121: My Go-To Mindset Hacks When Things Feel Hard

 

Sometimes things just feel hard -- whether in our writing life or just in life generally. Learn my go-to mindset hacks to help me reframe what's happening, get shit done, and feel better overall.

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My Go-To Mindset Hacks When Things Feel Hard

Hi, Friends, welcome back to your big creative life. Thanks for being here. I want to, I want to like, I don't know how to talk about this mindset hack these mindset hacks that I've been using, because things have felt kind of hard lately. For me, I'll just be honest, I had some postpartum anxiety after my daughter was born back in October. And I feel like I'm in a better place with that, like, my mental health is a little bit better. But Audrey is still home with us. We can't get her into daycare until April 1, which means that my husband and I are just watching her at home or trying to work or switching off. My mother in law comes over two mornings a week, which is so helpful, but it's hard, like this shit is hard. I love having her home. I love being with her. But it's hard to work and create content and do everything I need to do for work and for my business. And also, like be a mom, like be a stay at home mom essentially. And then to get everything else done to get dinner me and to take care of myself, like shower and try and work out. And you know, it's just, there's a lot, there's a lot going on, and things have felt hard.

 

 So I was thinking about, you know, kind of what I've done to cope. And there are a lot of things I've done to like cope and kind of get through this time. Part of it. For me, it's just knowing that this is temporary, I don't have to do this forever, she's going to be in daycare very, very soon. But, you know, there are like some mindset things that I've been doing to help me when things feel overwhelming and hard. And I just like, sometimes just really don't want to do them. So I'm going to give you like three or four, I think I have four things that I'll talk about that have helped me. And these can apply to writing related things if shit just feels hard in your writing life, your work in progress, editing, brainstorming, whatever, even like creating content for social media, around your writing, promoting yourself promoting your book. But I think that most of these things can also apply to stuff outside of writing. They certainly can.

 

For me some of this, I've applied some of these things to like, I don't know tasks that I have to do outside of my business in my work. Just like stuff that I don't want to do like phone calls, I have to make, like calling the doctor or I don't know, taxes or something like that. So you can apply them to whatever is feeling hard for you right now. Okay, number one is to visualize it being done. I am a huge, huge, huge fan of visualizing. Just visualization in general, because I think it's so powerful. And when I say visualize, like, Yes, you are visualizing in a sense that you are closing your eyes and picturing this thing as task, this project, whatever being done, but I also want you to really get your body into it. Like, imagine what it's going to feel like physically imagine, you know, picture the room, you're in picture like the relaxation that comes over your body when you're like, Oh, finally, I can cross this thing off the list or like, I feel so much better because I'm through this really difficult period. You can even like bring smell into it bring touch, like what are you wearing? You know, if it's something that's going to take you longer than like five minutes to do?

 

Maybe it's something that's gonna take a couple of weeks, picture yourself in a couple of weeks. Where are you? What are you wearing? What are you smelling? What are you seeing? How does your body feel, once you are done with this thing, and once things are not so hard, so for me, I can do this on a macro level and on a micro level. So let's say as an example, the thing is like, I don't know, a, an accounting thing that I have to do for my business in QuickBooks that I don't want to do. So I can picture that. And it's, you know, it might only take me 10 minutes to do so when I'm picturing it. I'm not picturing myself that far into the future. But I'm just imagining what it's going to feel like the relief I'll have once I can cross it off my list. I picture myself marking my little task off on my Google calendar, which is where I have the task. I'll picture like, you know, getting a reward for myself like going downstairs and making myself like I don't know latte or getting some chocolate or something like all of those sensory things, but this can also apply to bigger things.

 

So for me, you know, I've I've used this for Audrey being here. Being home and having to watch her and not having childcare and having a full time job, which is really hard. So I'll imagine like, okay, come April, like, I mean, this also, it's also hard because I think about her in daycare, and sometimes I just, like, get tears in my eyes because I don't want her to be I'm gonna, like get emotional now. I don't want her to be in daycare, like part of me doesn't want her to be in daycare, I want to have her home. But I also know that it's the best thing for me for my mental health, it's the best thing for my job, like, I just can't do both. I cannot work full time and be a full time. stay at home mom, I cannot do both of those things. It's a recipe for burnout, it's a recipe for resentment. It's a recipe for like, just not doing. I it's not it's not, it's not good. So I think about her going to daycare, which does make me stressed and anxious. But I also think about how my days will be once I don't have her home. And I have a little bit more brain space. And I have a little bit more like mental energy back in my in my life, and it's just room in my schedule in my day.

 

You know, she's only she's on this 45 minute nap schedule. So I get 45 minute blocks to work, which is hard. And I think about you know, okay, what my weeks are going to feel like what I'm going to feel like that I'm going to have time to work out consistently, I'll have time to like cook more, I'll have time to write. That's something that I'm looking forward to so much, because I really haven't been writing much. So anyways, what I do is I imagine all of that, but I really lean into how is this going to feel in my body. And that gives me a lot of relief. And so if the thing that you are wrestling with is something that's going to take a little bit more time before it doesn't feel so heavy and so hard. This is definitely something that's good to lean into. Yeah, so visualize it being done, visualize things not feeling so hard anymore. But again, bring your body into it really get detailed with it.

 

Second thing that helps another hack is just reminding myself of my long term goals and identity. This is something that I've done a lot with writing specifically on days when I mean, I just mentioned I'm not writing very much. But when I do write or in the past when I was writing a lot, and it was a big part of my routine. There were of course, days when I just didn't want to do it, I didn't want to sit down and write I didn't want to edit, I just was like, it feels like such a drag. Not all the time, I didn't get those days very often, but they do happen. And so but I wanted to continue making progress, I wanted to move forward, I wanted to keep it as part of my routine. So on those days, a big part of how I got myself to like, you know, do the thing and, and how I got over it kind of feeling so hard to sit down and write is to think about my long term goals, I want to have published books in the world. And in order for that to happen, I have to write, and I have to edit, and I have to do all these other things. It's also a part of my identity that I have created for myself, that I am a writer, I am someone who writes, this is a big part of who I am as a person.

 

Now it's a big part of my business. It's a big part of like the content that I put out in the world. It's a big part of conversations I have with other people. It's a creative outlet for me, it is a big part of who I am in my identity. So if I am a writer, what do writers do? They write. And so you know, taking on the identity of the person that you are the person that you want to be can be a helpful way to reframe this. So maybe, I don't know maybe it's going to the gym just feels really fucking hard right now, for whatever reason, but it is something that you want to do. Telling yourself like really stepping into the the identity of someone who works out consistently can be helpful like that, that is your identity. Now, even if you don't see the evidence yet, you are not going to the gym five days a week. Stepping into that version of yourself and being like, No, this is who I am. Now I am this person who does this thing. I'm someone who goes to the gym consistently. So that it becomes a part of your identity. And again, the long term goals like if you have a long term goal related to fitness, or training, or strength or health or whatever, reminding yourself of why you're doing these things that sometimes feel really hard, is a good way to sort of like think about it. And I realized as I'm talking about this that some of these things are like their mindset hacks to get you to do things but they're also like changing the way that you approach how you view the things that feel hard, which I think is important.

 

Okay, my next thing is removing judgment. This is a mindset thing, because it is so easy for me to beat myself up, because I'm having a hard time doing something that objectively seems simple. Even in this situation with Audrey and daycare, I can be like, Katie, you, it's, it was only it's only been like a few months of this, you only have a few weeks left, like, it's not that hard. You have your mother in law coming over two mornings a week, you have Sam to switch off with, you can work on the weekends to get stuff don't like it's not that hard. And you only have one kid, you know, imagine if I had 10 kids or imagine if even like two kids, and a toddler and a baby how much harder this would be, I can tell myself all of these things that just lead to guilt, they lead to guilt, and they lead to me feeling bad about myself for having a hard time. And that's not helpful, that's not productive.

 

So refraining from judgment as much as possible. And this can even apply to little things like I was having such a hard time. You know, I wanted to make Okay, here's an example, I wanted to make a, an appointment to go see a pelvic floor therapist, which is something that I think everyone should do after giving birth. But I was putting it off because I was unsure. And I was a little nervous about finding someone, sometimes I have anxiety about like, doing new things, I guess, and like seeing new people in that kind of capacity. And so I just putting it off putting and often I would think about it. So often, I would think about it and be like you need to do this, this is going to be helpful for you for your recovery.

 

You know, I had a C section, it'll be helpful for this, to know what to do to help the scar heal all these things, right, for my core to rebuild its strength. And I kept putting it off. And I would I was starting to really beat myself up about it. And that didn't help it didn't make me want to do that thing. It didn't make me want to call to make that call and set up that appointment. Sometimes it works for for me, and I think for people to like beat ourselves up into doing something or to feeling better about something. But I don't think it's a helpful long term strategy. And it's not definitely not helpful strategy for everything. So it just doesn't feel good. So as much as you can, I know this is easier said than done. But release the judgment about the things that feel hard. Stuff just feels hard sometimes. That's okay.

 

Even if you feel like the things that are hard for you right now, whether it's you know, your mental health feels hard. Your relationship feels hard. Your writing, life feels really difficult tasks that you have to do feel difficult, whatever. We can play so much a judgement about those things. But it's like, just remember that you're not the only person who struggles with those things, feeling hard. Like, again, sometimes things just feel hard. That's how life is. And so as much as you can remove that judgment and try to view it through a lens of neutrality, and even compassion as well is going to help. So for me, I was having a conversation with my mom about why I was like resisting this and putting this off. And as I was talking to her I was it's like I was stepping outside of my body.

 

And I was imagining okay, if a friend of mine, like a girlfriend of mine was talking to me about how she was struggling. But she was having a hard time doing this thing. I would be like, well, of course you're having trouble. You're working a full time job taking care of a newborn baby. You're still healing, you're still recovering. You had postpartum anxiety, you're extremely busy. Like of course, you're having trouble crossing things off to your to do list like you have a lot on your mind. You are dealing with a lot of shit right now. So as soon as I started talking out loud to her, I was like, oh, okay, I need to just have compassion for myself right now. Because I'm dealing with a lot and that's why this thing feels particularly hard. And shortly after that, I did it. And I have gone for a few appointments. It's been so helpful. So that's the happy ending for that tiny little story.

 

Okay, let me see what I have here. Okay, my last thing there. Yeah. Okay, last thing, the five minute rule. This is something this is an action. So it might not sound like a mindset hack right away. But this is something that I tell myself for shorter tasks or things that feel hard. The Five Minute Rule is not going to apply to the situation with Audrey because it can't be done or fixed in five minutes like it won't apply. But the five minute rule is a great thing to remember for shorter things for writing something you have to get done. You just don't want to do cleaning. I found this super helpful when my kitchen is a mess and I just feel overwhelmed. Set a timer for five minutes. You don't have to go longer than five minutes if you want to if you get in a groove. Definitely for writing you know for writing sprint. This is super helpful if you get into a groove and you're moving and you're got that momentum then do longer than five minutes but if not all All you have to do is five minutes and set a timer.

 

So this is a, I view this as a mindset hack, because it's like it gets me to, to feel differently about the thing, I give myself permission to go easy, I don't have to tackle the whole thing, I don't have to do, I don't have to clean my entire house, I don't even have to clean the entire kitchen, I just have to do five minutes of organizing. And whatever I get done in five minutes is great. And the rest can wait. So it helps me like my mindset shift and the way that I view this thing, and it doesn't feel so overwhelming, and it doesn't feel so hard. Again, this is not going to work for those big things that feel really difficult. If you are really struggling with your mental health, if you are having serious problems in your relationship, and that feels hard. If it's something long term, then you know, this, this kind of five minute rule isn't going to apply. But it's I found it really helpful for just things that feel hard and overwhelming. And also things I don't want to do. So yeah, that can that can that can help.

 

And sometimes like my mind will tell me Well, no, I have to do the full thing like it, it doesn't count, if I only do five minutes. And I want you to if you have that voice to if your brain tries to tell you that tell that part of your brain that that's bullshit and to shut up. Sometimes I will have that about cleaning, you know, like I only five minutes, I can't get that much done in five minutes, the whole house needs to be cleaned. Like I better just wait until I have two hours to block off. And it's like know what you can, you can absolutely get stuff done in five minutes. And that will make a big difference. And I know that it makes a big difference. Because I've done it before. If I have five minutes, and I run the vacuum, and I wipe the counters and I throw some things in the dishwasher like that makes a big difference in my mood and my mental health. Just my feeling in my home, my space, my gratitude for it, like just everything, it makes me feel so much better.

 

So those five minutes can make a huge difference. And same thing with a project that I have to tackle and I don't want to if I can just start it, if I can just do five minutes. That's a way that I can get started at least, you know, at least then I've started I've made a dent in it. And, and that feels good. So that's definitely a mindset hack that you can be controlled as well. This should go without saying but I just want to say you know, mindset hacks and like, you know, helping you be productive and get things done. Like all of that, yes, we can talk about that all day. But if you are seriously struggling like you know, get help from someone, don't try to just think your way out of it. If something is really going on, it's making it difficult, difficult for you to function or, you know, your mental health is really suffering. These are not like, these are just going to put band aids over the serious problem.

 

But yeah, it's, you know, I think about this situation with Audrey, where she's home. And it really I think sometimes I have a problem where I just want to white knuckle through stuff, I just want to tell myself, it's not that bad. Like, just get through it, just grit your teeth. Because I have this quality in me where if I really want to buckle down and get shit done, I can like I can be extraordinarily productive and make things happen. Which is great. That's a great asset to have. But the downside of that is I can sometimes neglect my mental health, I can neglect other things in my life, I can just be so busy and so focused that I don't even notice that wait a second, like I'm really suffering this is really hard. It's like I don't want to slow down and acknowledge that I'm struggling. So I just keep going, going, going, going going, so I don't have to look at it. So I want to share that too. In case you're in a similar boat. Like it's great that we can just kind of like grit our teeth and move through the hard stuff.

 

But I think it's important to slow down and acknowledge that it does feel hard, like acknowledging those feelings are really important before we can, you know, do something about whatever the thing is, that feels hard. So save this episode. If you are in a season of your life where things are not hard, and you're like doing pretty well. Awesome. Love that. Save this episode for those times when something does feel hard, because that's just life sometimes things are gonna feel hard. So I hope that was helpful. I will I think no, I'm recording this episode at like the very end of February so Audrey will not yet be in daycare when this episode is released, but she'll be a few weeks away.

 

The end is in sight and I feel so like part of me was like should I even share that I don't want anyone to think that I'm like not I don't want to spend time with her or I don't want to like parent her. That's not it at all. I love her so fucking much obsessed with having her home. Um, but like I said earlier, I just can't I know that I'm, I can't, I'm spread too thin by doing both. It's just not possible. If I were working part time, like a few hours a week, or something like that, you know, maybe we could make it work, but it's just, yeah, it's just not possible right now. So. Alright. Hopefully you can get through this part. One things feel hard. And I hope that the tips in this episode help. Thank you so much for listening.

Katie Wolf