122: If Posting on Social Media Feels Cringey, Here's What to Do

 

One of the biggest fears that people have related to posting on social media is being cringey. It's something that can prevent you from reaching your goals because no matter whaat your big creative goal is, social media is probably part of how you get there. In this episode, I offer 5 reframes to help you shift your thinking if creating content just feels hard and cringey.

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If Posting on Social Media Feels Cringey, Here's What to Do

Hello, and welcome back to your big creative life. I'm Katie Wolf. If you are a new listener to the podcast, I just want to say thank you for taking your chance. There are a ton of episodes available different episodes on writing different episodes on mindset editing, even a few episodes about getting started as a freelance editor if that's something you're interested in. And we've also started doing some new diving into new subject areas a little bit, kind of under the umbrella of this big creative life and what I mean when I say your big creative life is basically whatever. It's gonna look different for everyone.

 

But whatever your big dreams are, whatever that looks like, whatever form that takes whatever level of success you desire, like that's what we're that's what we're really talking about here. So you can go back through and you know, hopefully find something that helps you along your writing journey, your creative journey, up leveling your life in some way, whatever it might be. I did an episode maybe a month ago that was on creating video content, because a lot of you probably if you're listening, a lot of you probably found me on tic toc. And so I did an episode that is about video content, specifically, and how to post if it feels overwhelmed kind of some basic tips for it.

 

And a lot of the tips were things that were more like, mindset related, because there's a lot of mindset stuff that goes into content, especially video content, it feels more vulnerable, like we're really putting a piece of ourselves on the internet for people to see. And so I got some messages and actually talked with two of my coaching clients who felt similar ways that they were so afraid of being cringy. so afraid of other people's opinions about them posting on Tik Tok, or on Instagram reels, or stories or YouTube, whatever it might be. And so I want to do an episode talking about this because this is huge.

 

And this is one of the things that I really believe keeps people from creating content and posting online. And look, I'm gonna reiterate this, again, no matter what your creative pursuit is writing something else creative, like there's a good chance, unless you are only creating for personal fulfillment and enjoyment, which is amazing, that's definitely valid. Anything outside of that, though, there's a good chance that you're going to need social media to be a component of you doing the thing that you love, whatever your creative thing is. It's absolutely essential for writers, even if writers are traditionally published, even if they get big book deals, and they have some support.

 

When it comes to things like marketing and advertising. Times have changed, they still need to do a lot of that legwork. So and if you're an indie author, you definitely need to be promoting and, you know, finding your readers through social media. And it can feel I know that it can feel like so much work sometimes like I think a lot of writers have this attitude of, I just want to write, I just want to write, I don't want to do social media, I want to focus on on the writing part of it. And I completely understand that mindset. But I would encourage you to step back and think about two things. Number one, when you're posting on social media, what you're doing is creating a community and reaching your readers. That's amazing. Like if you can shift your perspective and think about the fact that the internet exists and social media exists.

 

We can reach people who we don't know, talk about our book and create future readers. That's incredible. That's incredible. And you can do it for free. I mean, yes, you can run ads if you want. That's a big component of what a lot of or some, I should say a lot. Some authors do. indie authors in particular, but like you don't have to you can do this all organically, which is insane. It's so cool. And the other the other thing I'll offer you the way to kind of shift this is that creating content is a creative exercise. It can be really, really fun. It might just be a matter of figuring out what content you know, avenue is right for you.

 

Maybe for you that isn't video content. Maybe it's creating a really strong presence on threads or Twitter or x whatever. Maybe it's posting carousel posts on Instagram. There are different ways to do this. But I do think that there's just something about video. There's just something about video that lets people connect with you emotionally. That maybe is a little harder to do without video now that you can't do it if you don't show your face but I just feel like you have to show your face in order for people to get that connection to you. And you, you want people to have that emotional connection to you. You know, that's part of creating a personal brand. It's part of, of showing up online creating a community of readers or followers. That that's just part of it.

 

So what I'm going to do in this episode is give you five reframes on this idea that like, oh, posting on social media is so cringy I want to do it, but I just feel cringy I don't know how to get over that. I'm going to give you brief frames, and just to give you to give you a little bit of backstory and context, like in case you're not familiar with my story, or social or social, that social media journey, I started posting Bookstagram content on a different Instagram back in. I don't know 2017 Maybe. I'm guessing, I think it was 2017. So do Bookstagram content, no video content, it was just posts and Bookstagram was so it was like such a sweet place like he would just post you know, it still is a sweet place. I don't mean these past tense. It's just that for me, I'm not really creating that type of content anymore.

 

So I think about it as something that was in my past. But I loved it. I was like essentially blogging and talking about the books that I was reading, and I would post cute pictures of the books and really aesthetic positions. And it was great. It was great. So that was my first foray into it. And I didn't do any video content at all. I mean, Tik Tok wasn't a thing then reels hadn't been created. But I yeah, I didn't, I didn't do any videos, because it was scary. And I didn't want to show my face. I couldn't even it was cringy for me to even post a selfie on Instagram. Like I shied away from that for so long, because I just thought it was so I'm so embarrassed. I was mortified to do that. And we feared judgment from other people.

 

And then when Tik Tok came around, and I got on it around the time that pandemic like a lot of people did, and I started creating content on tick tock, I want to say like summer of 2020, maybe 2021. I honestly can't remember, it's been a few years, but I can't remember who's 2020 or 20 is when we won't tell anyone. But that was when I had started my editing business. And I was like, well, tick tock would be a fantastic way to maybe get some clients and sort of put my name out there and just talk about writing. I mean, I just shared writing tips almost exclusively for like the first year that I was on Tik Tok. And it was something that I had to, I had to overcome myself my own sort of projections and embarrassment about what people would think of me and post anyway, like, just just do it anyway.

 

And it was super cringy in the beginning, and I felt so awkward, I felt so uncomfortable. I would reshoot things dozens of times, because I wanted it to be perfect. And I share this in the video content episode. But one thing that really helped is I was using this app called Marco Polo. And I'm sending video messages back and forth to my best friend who lives in a different city. And so Maria, and I would be sending messages and I just I just got used to seeing my face on the screen and sending messages back and forth to her. And it was I couldn't polish it. I mean, I guess I could have like deleted my message and started over. But I didn't want to do that because it was just a message to my best friend, it didn't matter. No one else was gonna see it and it didn't need to be polished.

 

So that helped me get a little bit more comfortable with seeing myself on camera, which is jarring if you're not used to it. I even still to this day, like, you know, I'm creating the podcast episodes, but I'm also putting them on YouTube. So I record the YouTube video. And it is I'm doing it on my back camera. So I can't see myself when I'm actually recording the episode. And I do very minimal editing for my YouTube videos, because that's the only way I know that I'm going to be able to actually create the content. Like if I had to spend an hour editing a YouTube video, like there's no way that it would get done. I guess I could outsource it. Maybe in the future. That's something I'll think about but I don't I do minimal editing.

 

And so it is and that's a different format like doing I'm a little bit farther back from the camera. The quality is crisper, it's horizontal. And so looking at myself in a YouTube video when I'm editing it I'm like oh, and sometimes I can have really mean thoughts about myself like it's, I don't know, I guess I'm sharing this is a little bit of a tangent but I'm just sharing this to say that it is a journey in it. A lot of this comes back to sort of like getting out of your own way. When it comes to video content specifically because it you're, you're probably going to feel cringy and embarrassed when you first start doing it.

 

But the more that you do it, the more that you practice, the more that you create content and put yourself out there, the better it's going to be. I don't Have those really I don't have those unkind thoughts about myself and my appearance and my video quality when I'm creating Tik Tok now like, at all, but I guess I guess I just do have it with YouTube because it's new and I'm, it's like, I'm not used to it yet. So I'm sure that that'll quiet down the more that I do it. But the point is I'm not letting it stop me. I'm not letting it stop me from putting this content out there. Because I feel slightly uncomfortable about the way I look in certain videos.

 

Anyways, let's get into our reframes. Okay, how to reframe this, number one, I want you to ask yourself, What is the worst that could happen? specifically related to this cringy and embarrassing thing? Because maybe your your a general answer to that question could be oh, well, I could, I could get canceled. Well, if that's your first fear, then maybe look at the type of content that you're posting. And I know that's a valid fear, you know, to think about getting canceled, but like, related to this whole cringe Enos and being embarrassed and people judging you. What is the worst that could happen in that area specifically? People think you're cringy okay. Is that something that you can live with? Is that something that we can live with? And not let it stop us? I mean, we kind of have to decide.

 

For myself, I got to a point where I, I think really the the decision for me came when I started my separate like business account a few years ago, on Instagram and then started Tik Tok. I kept it hidden initially from like family and friends and stuff, because I wanted some space and some time to figure it out. And also, I was embarrassed, I was embarrassed about showing up on video, even though I wasn't posting anything embarrassing. When I look at the content, it's not that it was just I felt embarrassed. And I felt like it was cringy. And so but eventually it got to this point where I was like, Okay, I am really proud of this business that I'm building. I'm really proud of myself for overcoming all of these fears I had about putting myself out there. And I'm proud of myself for actually doing this.

 

Am I going to let the hypothetical possible opinions of a few people stop me from going after the things that I want? Is that Is that something that I'm going to do? And I wanted it badly enough? That it was like no, I'm not, I'm gonna keep I'm gonna keep going. So the worst that could happen in that case, again, like, people may think you're cringy. But they also might not you just you just never know. Like, I remember being surprised I got a message from someone that I used to work with, like an old coworker at my job that I had before I quit to take my business full time. And she was like, Hey, I just wanted to message you and say, like, I this is so cool that you're doing this, like I love your content. I'm not a writer at all. I have no interest in writing, but like, I'm really happy for you. This is really cool. Okay, thank you. That's awesome.

 

So you just never know how people are gonna respond. It's all you know, we're projecting. But you know, like, I think about, you know, who am I really afraid of judgment from? Who am I gonna cap down? Who am I afraid of judgment from from there's like a few people in my life in my real life that I'm afraid of judgment from. And that's it. And in the past, not so much now anymore. But yeah, think about what's the worst that can happen. People might think you're crunchy. Okay. That's a reflection of them. And it really has very little to do with us if people think we're cringy. I'm going to put test Barclay her handle in the shownotes because she's been so helpful for me. She's a creator on Tik Tok. Well, she has, she's ticked off Instagram. And then she has a podcast as well.

 

And it's for entrepreneurs, entrepreneurs, the entrepreneurs and content creators. That's kind of like who her business is geared towards. But she talks a lot about content and like mindset, and she was like, What is she? What did she say cringe is a side effect of future success. Something like that. So it's like, okay, if you think about successful content creators, or you think about successful authors who've really implemented social media as a part of their strategy, they all had to start from zero. They all had to start posting and probably felt super cringy. And maybe people in their life did think they were super cringy. But no one thinks it's cringy.

 

Once you're successful, and it's working, so you just kind of have to get over that initial hump. And then, you know, and then also you just stop caring, like, I, I genuinely don't care if people think I'm cringy out, like, I look at my tic tock and I'm like, Yeah, you know, people could think this is super cringy that I'm just like a big dork who posts about these things, but I I genuinely don't care. Because I'm having so much fun. I know that my content is helping people I know that I have this business that is successful. Like if someone I went to high school with thinks that I'm cringy Oh, well, although I do have to say this is funny.

 

Okay, so like maybe six months into my Tik Tok posting And I saw a notification come in that this girl from high school followed me her name sounded familiar. And I went clicked on her profile. I was like, it's so and so from her high school. And we're not friends. We haven't stayed in touch or anything, but I was like, and I thought about that for a couple of weeks after, like, I, it didn't stop me from posting, but I was like, oh, so once I was gonna watch this piece of content, probably, whatever. I haven't thought about that in a long time. But no, it did throw me for a loop.

 

Okay, my second reframe for you, is to act as if I act as if, again, we touched on this a little bit in that video content episode. But, you know, a couple of minutes ago, I said, Would it be cringy? When people think you're cringy? Or have judgment towards you, if you were a super successful author, or a super successful content creator, if you had 500,000 followers, and you were like doing the deal on social media? Probably not. I mean, maybe some people still would think want to make fun of you or something. But again, that's, that's so much, that says so much about them and where they're at in their journey in their life. And they're like unhappiness than it does you. I truly believe that sometimes when people have a really strong reaction to us, it's because we're triggering something in them and they don't want to be triggered.

 

They don't like that. And I remember when I was sharing about my business and sharing about, you know, basically, I worked with this coach, when I was starting my business, and I was like, telling her, you know, I have these really big dreams for my life. And I just feel like there's something wrong with me because I don't know anyone else in my, my cat is scratching a box - Eddy -- that girl loves a box to just claw at. anyways, I was saying that no one else in my life does this, like no one else has started a business. No one has posted content online, no one has written books like this is just not a thing that my family, my extended family, immediate family, this is so out of the norm. I don't know anyone who's kind of pursued this path. And it makes me feel like almost guilty or like, there's something wrong with me that I want that I'm ambitious.

 

And I want these big things, that I'm not going to be satisfied with just working my corporate job until I'm 65 and retire. And we were talking about this and she was asking me Well, who do you fear judgment from like, in your family, or your friends, people that know you? And I named two specific people. No one in my immediate family, but I named two specific people in my life who I was very afraid of their judgment and their their perception of me. And so we were talking about this and she was like, Well, you know, people have strong reaction to you, it might just be that you are showing them what's possible for them and you are triggering that for them. And they are not happy about it. They're not in a place where they can really deal with that and process it.

 

So it comes out as it comes out sideways, as you know, oh, like look at what Katie's doing. It's so cringe, which this is all projection again, I don't know that these people had that reaction. i At this point, I don't care because I don't you know, I don't think about it anymore. But I had to just realize that, you know, I have to just keep moving forward and so acting as if for me it really really helped in the beginning because yes, you know, I'm not a huge account on tick tock but I have 45,000 followers, which when I think about it is mind boggling it I cannot conceive of that many people I can my brain just like short circuits. But I had to start from zero I had to start from you know, from scratch on Tik Tok.

 

And also when I started my new the new business account, I had to start from zero with that one as well. And it was just like, Okay, now act as if act as if I'm confident because I was not confident in the beginning. I would rerecord my content all the time, I would, I would script some things, you know. But acting as if I had 100,000 followers or acting as if I had 10,000 followers, anything to sort of help me embody that that person who wasn't afraid to show up, because they knew that people would want to see their content. And that's actually what I'm harnessing in the month of March.

 

It's March now when I'm recording this episode, and I'm doing this personal challenge for myself. It's called post like an influencer month. And it's not about the content, specifically, like I'm not doing like typical influencer content, it's more just like challenging myself to do some vlogs to do some Get Ready With Me used to post content that maybe I weren't normally wouldn't post and get better at it because I like doing that type of content. But I do feel a little bit cringy and embarrassed when I do it. But I want to get better. I know from my own experience that the way to feel better and the way to feel less awkward and cringy with it, is just to do it and do it and do it. Do it and do it and get better.

 

I'm obsessed with creating flow logs right now because like I really, I view logs as this interesting puzzle piece that I have to solve. Because I watch logs a lot on social media, I'm just really interested in other people's lives, I guess. And it's clear to me in some cases, what makes a good blog versus what doesn't. And I'm really fascinated by trying to learn all of these things like visual storytelling and apply it to my own blogs. And one thing, I'll just share one quick takeaway from, from my own experience, in the month of March, I was still I realized that the vlogs I had created up until that point, or even to get ready, get ready with these, I'd still been not totally authentic, I still had been presenting this more polished version of myself. And I can understand that to some extent, because, you know, I my tick tock account, my Instagram account, like they are tied to my business.

 

So I, you know, I can understand not wanting to just be like, totally crazy, but I don't know, I, it felt a little bit forced, I guess, when I when I would do that type of content in the past, because I wasn't being totally myself. And I also, I think, subconsciously was trying to emulate and copy what other like, content creators and influencer girlies we're doing in their blogs, which doesn't work for me, I'm not like a super, super aesthetic blog type of person, that's just not going to be me. So I think letting myself loose a little bit and letting myself like, just have fun with it feel so much more authentic and so much more fun.

 

So. But yeah, it really comes down to acting as if you have that confidence, you are comfortable on camera, you already know that you have followers who are going to want to see your content who are interested in your books, whatever it might be the third reframe. How does this support my goals? I want you to ask yourself that question when it comes to social media content, anything that feels cringy for you? How does this support my goals? Because there's going to be an answer in there that it does support your goals. You're probably not posting on social media just for the hell of it, right? You're probably posting on social media, because you have an end goal in mind.

 

Maybe it's being an indie author and selling your books, maybe it's eventually down the road, like creating a community and getting involved so that when you do have a book available, you know, you got bills and buyers, maybe it's just finding other people to talk writing with, I don't know, but there is a there is a goal in mind for why you're doing social media. Most cases, I mean, some people just do it because they like it. And it's fun, and they want to share their life. And that's great, too.

 

But I'm guessing if you're listening to this podcast episode, you there's something that you want, there's something an end goal in mind, or multiple goals, and social media is a tool to help you achieve those goals. So if it feels overwhelming and daunting, I always come back to how to support my goals. And if it feels hard and feels daunting, you know, imagine the end result like this is what these are, this is laying the groundwork for that future version of you who has the successful indie career or gets traditionally published or publishes your short stories in an anthology somewhere, whatever it is.

 

So just always be asking yourself that question, so that it doesn't feel disconnected. Because sometimes I think why it feels hard for authors is that it's like they're focusing on the writing, and they got the writing, and they love the writing. But then like social media feels like this other thing over here that they have to do. And it's like, well, no, they're linked, which can also, you know, people don't like that they're linked, but they are, that's just the world that we live in. And so social media content creation is an amazing tool that you can use to help you reach your end goal. At any sorry, all she's going to town on, I think it's the shower curtain. She's like scratching the shower curtain. Okay.

 

The next reframe for you, oh, this is a good one. Okay. This is an incredible opportunity for growth. All of the things that I've talked about in this episode, and a lot of the stuff that I share it from my own personal journey, like, this is the shit that I had to work on. I think that writing a book is one of the best like mindset, you know, things that you can, that you can, experiences that you can go through, because it forces you to confront a lot of like deep seated beliefs that you have about your worthiness, about your ability about being seen about comparison, like perfectionism, all of these things. And content creation is the same way, especially on platforms where it can be very easy to fall into looking at the numbers and basing your mood, basing your everything on those numbers.

 

So that if a video does well, great, you can pat yourself on the back. You are worthy, you are wonderful. It's amazing. And if not, it means you're a failure. It means people hate you, whatever. Whatever our brains can tell us obviously that's not how it works. That's not Not true at all. But we are at the mercy of these algorithms. And it can be so easy to let those numbers dictate how we're feeling about ourselves, and how we're feeling about what we're doing. And it's also for me, one of the greatest opportunities that I have had to confront my fear of being seen.

 

I'm an introvert, I'm, if you are familiar with Enneagram, I'm an Enneagram Nine, which means like the peacemaker, I hate conflict. There's a part of me. I wish I could remember where I saw this, but someone shared a like a meme or some, any grant content with me once that was like, the nines are like, pay attention to me, but also don't look at me. I feel like that is where I am all the time. Like, what about me, everyone, like pay attention to me, but also then when I get that attention, I'm like, oh, no, don't don't look at me. I want to just go hide in the corner. It's such a conflicting feeling. And so posting on Tik Tok, especially because I have more followers there and more, you know, I've had some videos that have reached a lot of people. It is it is so an opportunity to grow.

 

And, you know, I've also gotten some really rude comments from people. And that's an opportunity for me to deal with, like my people pleasing stuff. Because the reality is, when you post on social media, not everyone is going to like you, not everyone is going to understand what you're doing. That's just the reality of it. And that's okay. Not everyone is meant to love you. So anyways, all this that I'm talking about is just, it's such an opportunity for growth, whatever shit you have going on, that's like kind of bury that you really haven't processed or, or things that you like limiting beliefs that you have to confront, there's a good chance it's going to bring some of that to the surface.

 

So just, it's an opportunity for growth for short. But like, I've grown so much over the last, I don't know, six years or so that I've been posting on social media, like a lot. It's, it's one of the best things that I've done for myself. I'm so much happier. Now. I feel like I'm a lot more confident in myself because of social media. And again, like I shared with the vlogs it's stuff that I'm still working on. But like overall I'm in a much, much, much better place. So okay, the final reframe that I have for you. This is kind of a question. It's a reframe. But it's a question that you can ask yourself, if you really do feel overwhelmed and feel like oh, video content, so cringy whatever. Okay, here's the question, What can I post that feels safe, I was just talking about this with a coaching client recently who wanted to be posting again and kind of get back into it, because she's writing a book, she's going to Self Publish. And it was like a, it feels overwhelming to get back into it if you haven't been posting for a while. And it also just feels overwhelming. If you have not been posting at all, and you're like, oh shit, suddenly, I have to like create all this content post all the time. We don't have to post all the time, that's definitely not true.

 

But start with something small. If video content feels too overwhelming for you, or if showing your face feels too overwhelming, like the thought of sitting your camera down on your phone, and recording a video of you talking to the camera, if that feels overwhelming, then then start small. So start with something that feels safer in your body and doesn't bring up such an emotional physical, either kind of response for you. So maybe that could be just a static post on Instagram where you share a quote from your book that you're working on or share you know a picture of like your writing desk, or your chair about your writing routine or anything like that. And then if you're if you want to be doing video content, but the idea of you just sitting down and talking to the camera feels overwhelming, then that's fine, you can do their reels that you can do to like show different images of like the vibes or the mood of your book. You can turn the camera around and again, just show your your writing desk, maybe you have like a journal or a candle that you have.

 

And you sit down to write and you can just show that and and talk over it or put text on screen so that it doesn't have to be you talking to the camera that can feel like a bit of a an easier lift than than just like sitting down and recording something initially but just think about again, think about like where you want to go. What your ultimate end goal is what your why is for social media and that can really help you when it does feel overwhelming. I remember that that for me. It was like a physical sensation of dread and panic and it's almost like I would get adrenaline going in my body when I would post or think about posting even.

 

So just yeah, it's it really is like writing or anything creative. The more that you do it. The more that you practice, the better you're going to get the easier it's going to get. But this is one of those things that you just have to do. You just have to do it. it even if it feels uncomfortable, even if it feels cringy Yeah, it's, it's, and now, I mean, if it does feel overwhelming and daunting and cringy for you think about getting to a place where it's fun, like you will get to that place. You might never fall in love with social media. And that's okay.

 

If you don't, again, you're not becoming an influencer or a content creator. Most likely you are, again, using social media to support your goals. So it's okay if that's never like the love of your life, like creating content isn't your absolute passion. That's okay. The point is just start putting yourself out there. Because whatever your creative goal is, there's a good chance that social media is part of it. So such an opportunity for growth man, this and writing, it's like, I just brings up so much stuff, it brings up so many limiting beliefs and stories that we tell ourselves and impostor syndrome and all of that.

 

But the sooner that you get posting and the sooner that you start to have that evidence that like, no, it's safe, it's safe for me to post, it's okay, I can do this, then the easier it's going to be as well. So I'm just looking at my audacity where I record my podcast. This was a long one. I didn't expect to be talking this long, but clearly, I have a lot of thoughts about it. So I hope that this is helpful in your content creation journey, whether it's video content or something else. Would love to hear if anything in this episode helps you.

Katie Wolf