176: Social Media 101 - Mindset

 

If you're always putting your creative projects on the back burner—whether it's writing, creating content, or some other creative hobby—this practice can help! Learn what a creative power hour is, how to customize it, and why it's so beneficial for writers and creatives.This week's episode is part two of our Social Media 101 series. Self-doubt, fear of being seen, and fear of being cringey stops many of us from creating content, but it shouldn't! Learn how to reframe your fears to help you get more comfortable with posting on social media.

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Social Media 101 - Mindset

Hi friends. Welcome back to your big creative life. And welcome to week two, part two of our social media series. This is a two parter I'm doing. Last week was the social media 101, strategy piece. And then today we're going to be talking about the mindset. Piece of it. These social media episodes are for anyone who is new to creating content, or maybe you've been posting a little bit like on personal accounts, but you want to start posting, writing content and taking things seriously. This is these episodes are for you with the strategy piece of it I've shared last week that, you know, I'm I don't have a published book yet, and so most of my content is not like author content in the sense that I'm selling a book.

 

And also some of the strategy pieces of advice that we talked about in the last episode, they're really meant for new content creators, but the stuff in this week's episode is for anyone who just needs a little bit of a reframe. If you feel scared to post on social media, if you're worried about it being cringy, if you have a fear of a piece of content just flopping, whatever the fears are, we're going to talk about that all this week, because I think more than anything, this is what stops people from posting. It's not because you don't know how to find hashtags. It's not because you don't know how to use the Tiktok app. It's not because you can't you're not capable of figuring out editing like basic editing. It's the fear of being seen. And actually I want to reframe that, yes, fear of being seen, but also what it really is, is the fear of being seen trying. I want you to just let that sink in for a second, because when I realized this, that this was the root of my fear, it completely changed how I thought about this.

 

We are afraid of people seeing us trying. We are afraid of people seeing us as we're in the process of figuring something out. We're afraid of people seeing us be maybe not very good at something. That is the fear. Okay, so one of the... we'll talk about that in this episode, and the first piece of advice I have for you is something that Tess Barclay says she's a content creator, and she creates a lot of content for business owners, talking about strategy and mindset of content creation. And she says, embrace the cringe and that it's only cringy until it works. I want you to think about a successful author. You know, maybe you follow them on social media. They post about their books, they post about their life as an author. You're not looking at that content and going like, Oh, my God, this is so cringy. I can't believe they're like, sharing about their book that they wrote ill or like they're showing what their writing setup looks like.

 

Oh, that's so cringy. No, it's only people only view it as cringy until it's successful, and the people who still continue to view it as cringy, we'll talk about that later. Because really, what it is is it's reflecting something that's unhealed or triggered in them, and it says more about them than it does about you and your content actually being cringy what I've had to decide for myself, because, look, people could easily. They could easily look at my content and think it's cringy. They could,I don't know, look at trends I'm doing, or like vulnerable posts that I've made, or whatever, and think so awkward, that's so embarrassing, that's so cringy for Katie, like I can't believe she's posting this, acting like she's an author or acting like she's some influencer or something. But if I were to hear that, and I don't hear that, but there could be people that think that for sure, whether they know me in real life or not, if I were to hear that, it would just bounce right off of me. I reject that. I actually don't consider it cringy at all.

 

And if I see someone who is starting a new social media account, if they're a new writer, a new author, and I can tell they're, they're early on in the content creation stage, I don't view that as cringy. I'm like, fuck yeah, good for you. Putting yourself out there. This is awesome. So it's only cringy, if you let it be cringey if you accept that label that people are putting on it, if you don't think it's cringy, it's not cringy. It's sort of like, okay, when people direct insults, like, if someone were to say, I'm five nine, okay, so I'm on the taller side for a woman, if someone were to come up to me and say, like, Oh my God, you're so short, it wouldn't register, it wouldn't land. Because I'd be like, What are you talking about? No, I'm not. And I would think, God, what a weirdo. That's so weird that they said that. Like, why are they are they projecting? Are they trying to make me feel insecure? Like, that's really sad. I don't know it's a silly example, but you get the point. If it's something that isn't true, it's not going to land.

 

Whereas, if someone were to come up to me and say something that I am something about me, that I I do have an insecurity about, it would be much more likely to land for me. So I just reject it. I don't think it's cringy. And if someone wants to call me cringey like it, I just move on. So I want you to get in the habit of thinking that way, like embracing the cringe. It's only cringe if you let it be cringy. And then we'll talk later in the episode about like people, people responding to your content. Next up.

 

Okay, this is a tip, a mindset tip that can help with video content. Specifically, we talked last week about how I really think that putting yourself in front of the camera is one of the best things you can do. Things you can do to create an author account, an author brand, because if people have no idea who you are, they know nothing about you. They never see your face. They know nothing about your life. It can be hard to create an emotional connection to you. And of course, there are exceptions to this. Of course there are authors who have faceless accounts, or they use a pen name. They don't want to show their face, and they're successful, of course, but I just think there's something about letting people witness you and see your face that deepens that connection, and it's easier to form a community that way too, like a community of readers of followers. So when you are creating video content, right, you've got your phone up, you're looking at the camera, talk to one person.

 

It is overwhelming to think about just who could possibly be on the other end of that video. Once you post it, right, you are not creating the piece of content for the internet at large. My most viewed video of all time on Tiktok, I think, had like 1.7 million views. My brain, our brains, cannot conceptualize 1.7 million people. If I ask you right now, hey, picture 1.7 million people laid out, what does that look like? You can't. We can't. We can't conceptualize that. We were not meant to be able to conceptualize that, right? It's meaningless to me, but if you just think about one person on the other end of the screen, or if you're having imagine an in person conversation, if that's better, it's much more manageable, and it also feels it helps your content feel more personal. If you just imagine that you're talking to one person, and it's a it's a conversation, it's a FaceTime, however you want to think about it, right?

 

The person that you pick can be someone that you know in real life, although I would probably, I would say it's probably easier to think about someone you don't know if it is someone from your real life, just make sure it's someone that you love and trust and who supports you 1,000% but if it's someone that you don't know. Last week, we talked about your ideal reader, and I think this is a perfect example, or a perfect way to use that, if you've done that work, to think about what are some traits and characteristics of this person, of my ideal reader, you can come up with a vague idea of this person who's on the other end of your videos.

 

So for me, I write thrillers, so my ideal reader is going to be someone who loves psychological thrillers and enjoys the themes that I talk about. They're on social media. Maybe they don't post a ton of content, but they're like scrolling a lot, and they're very online. They're aware of pop culture. They like consuming a lot of like TV and analyzing different pieces of media. They listen to podcasts, they, I don't know, are between the ages of 25 and 35 since that's generally what my audience is. When I look at my analytics on social media, right?

 

I'm talking to this woman. I'm talking to this person. When I create a video, I'm talking to them, and now, just like last week, we talked about not excluding people. This doesn't mean that you are only ever talking to this one person who meets all these characteristics and identities. You're casting a wide net, but it just is so much easier for the content to for you to record the content when you imagine talking to one person, and it's gonna make it again feel a lot more personal, and it's gonna just you probably will have more confidence too, because when you don't know who you're talking to, you're just like, recording something and then putting it out into this vague cloud. It can be difficult for it to feel, for you to have that level of confidence.

 

Okay, tip number three is to practice being seen. And we talked about how a lot of us it's the fear of people seeing us trying, but this is more of a an actual fear of being seen. I want you to practice and get comfortable sharing a snippet of your personal life with people. Tool that you don't know. Because if you think about social media as a tool to help you become a successful author, or just an author who writes books, doesn't even have to be successful. That involves people seeing you that you don't know, that involves meeting readers, that involves people consuming your content, reading your book that you do not actually know. So this can look like a very small snippet of your life.

 

When we talked about content pillars, I gave the example of your dog that can be a content pillar that you talk about and people come to know you as, Oh yeah, she's got that really cute dog fluffy, and he's always curled up next to her desk when she's writing, like people start to associate that with you. So if you can talk about just a small snippet of your personal life, maybe it's where you live. Maybe you have a really scenic walk near you, and you always do brainstorming walks, and you decide to that's going to be part of your content, and you're going to show people that. Or maybe you are a very high powered lawyer. You work in big law. You work 80 hours a week. It's incredibly stressful. And you talk a lot about, like, having a creative outlet and how beneficial that is for you.

 

And like, what are your tips for people who want to have a creative pursuit or have hobbies like reading, and how do you balance that with your demanding job, right? But it's just the idea is letting people see who you are and practice this. That's why it eventually. It's great to get to a point where you can confidently share your opinions about things on social media, but I think a good baby step is just sharing little snippets, sharing your dog, sharing your morning coffee every day and putting a picture of it on your Instagram Stories, whatever it is, letting people witness you and starting to feel safe being seen, because that's so much of what it is when you're not used to posting, or when you post only for people that actually know you in real life, When you transition to the public, it can feel a little unsettling. It can feel a little unnerving to have strangers witnessing you, but the more that you do this, you'll start to get comfortable, and then your body, your nervous system, your mind, you're gonna realize that it's safe to do this.

 

Next step is act as if, act with confidence. This is something we touched on last week, but I want to talk more about it here, because I think this is so it's important, because it impacts how you show up in terms of actually creating the content. Like, okay, just imagine you were like, I'm acting as if I'm a successful, full time author already. If that's your goal, let's say that you are an indie author. You're a you're getting ready to publish your first book, and you're like very new to creating content, and it feels overwhelming pretend that you are an indie author 10 years from now, you have a dozen books under your belt, and you've got, you're a full time indie author, and you've got readers who love you, and they're eagerly awaiting your next release, and it's just wonderful. Okay, how would that version of you show up?

 

That version of you would not be wishy washy about like, well, I've got to put on a video this week. But like, why bother? Because no one's gonna see it. And like, it's been three weeks since I posted, oh my god. Like, I don't know if I should put no you have fans. You have people who are following you, waiting for your next piece of content, waiting for your next video, waiting for a quote from the book that you're currently working on, waiting for you to tease something that's coming up,people want to hear from you. That's a big shift that has helped me in my own confidence, is imagining that the people who follow me want to see my content and not just want to see it, but they're excited to see a new video from me, or a new podcast episode or whatever. Because sometimes, with the algorithm, it can feel discouraging, especially at first. It can feel like no one's listening.

 

No one cares what I have to say. I'm just getting lost in the sea of people. But the more that you can embody this future, successful version of yourself and act as if you're already that person, the more it's going to pay off, because there's a level of confidence that comes through when you are acting as if you were already that person. So it comes through in the consistency piece of it, like, if you're successful indie author, of course you're gonna post. It's not even a question. And of course you're gonna post more frequently than once every three weeks. Of course you are. And it also, yeah, it also just affects your energy. And there's, this is an interesting piece that I want to dive into for a second. It's kind of a detour, but not really, because it deals with confidence. People can sense that through the screen. People can sense your energy.

 

This is not always the case, because the algorithm is a mysterious force, and you can feel like you're doing everything right, and then a video still will not do very well, which is fine, it just happens. So it's not that this is like, always the missing factor, or always the key to have a video doing well. But overall, I would say I noticed, a couple of years ago, I noticed a big difference in just how my content was being perceived if I was in a low, energetic state and pissed off and discouraged, versus when I was in a more neutral state. I'm not saying that I have to always be joyous and happy and like bubbly, but at least if I'm in a neutral state, then my content tends to feel better. I think, to people, they can sense that through the screen. And they can also sense I gave the example last week of like, someone getting on to a video content. Let's say it's a TikTok, and you start the TikTok with a big pause, and you, you kind of, oh, sorry for the mess behind me. Sorry. I'm just, I didn't sleep a lot last night. But yeah, I just like, I wanted to get on here and talk about my book that's being released.

 

It's like, you know, I don't have hardly any pre sales for it. And like, I don't think people are really interested, but I'm trying to sell it anyways. And I don't know it's like, about this woman. Like, that's not going to be engaging for people to watch. They're not going to want to continue to watch that video. So acting as if also means that confidence piece of it, and at least, at least not being in a state where you're like, Well, fuck this. No one's going to watch this. I'm going to piece post, post this piece of content, anyways, but fuck this like people are gonna be able to sense that, and it's hard. I'm not saying that you can't ever be angry. Some of my best videos actually have been when I was so worked up about something and so pissed off that I wanted to just rant. And then people, I think people sense the passion in that case.

 

But anyways, so yeah, okay. Next tip is something that we've kind of talked about already, but I just want to reiterate that you get better at content by making content. You cannot sit and think your way into perfect content, or even just like pretty good content. You just have to get the reps in and get experience under your belt, under your belt with doing it. Now. Clarity also comes from taking action and making content, you might find that you thought you you really were going to enjoy a certain type of video or certain type of content, and then you get a little ways into it and you realize, actually, no, that's not what I enjoy. Let me pivot and try something else. So there is a bit of a trial and error process with content, but you're never going to figure that out until you actually do it. So you've got to do it.

 

 Next up is, I want to talk about mean comments and, like, triggering people. For a second. I debated whether to even include this, because, honestly, over the course of my years on social media, rude comments probably account for, like, point 4%of comments like, it's so infrequent that it happens. And if you are a controversial type of person where you are intentionally stirring people up and talking about, I don't know, politics or religion or just like issues that get people divided, you know, you might naturally just have more negative comments, but yeah, they're so infrequent for me, and when I do get them, this is, this is what's helped me. It's helped me to realize that when someone leaves a rude comment, a mean comment, they're pissed off at something. I said, it's because I have activated something in them. I've triggered something in them and they don't like that. This is where the saying that it has everything to do with them and nothing with you, comes in, because I firmly believe that's true.

 

Now, if I get a comment where I said something and I wasn't, maybe I was kind of careless in the way that I said it, and I think there's valid criticism for from what someone is saying, then that's valid, and I will take that into consideration and maybe do a bit better next time I'm presenting a piece of information like that can happen. But if it's just like a comment about how stupid I am, or how wrong I am, or like, I don't know, I don't know what I'm talking about, it's just so easy for me now to laugh it off and almost, well, not almost. I do feel some pity for that person. I have a guy who comments. Maybe once a month, I will see a comment from him on a video that is mean. He's always disagreeing what with what I say, and I just smile. I could block him, I guess, but I don't know. I kind of don't want to give him the satisfaction, like nothing he said is ever like hateful.

 

It's not horrible, but it's always rude. It's always disagreeing with what I say and saying that I don't know anything, and I just kind of laugh. And I also feel bad for him, because it's clear he's doing it at this point for attention, and that's something you'll come to notice if you do get a rude comment every once in a while. Is that a lot of times people. Are just doing it because they want you to engage. They want to feel that rush. They want to feel seen. That's another piece of it, too. I think people just feel like the online landscape is so vast and big, and if they can get someone as they if they perceive you to be like a bigger creator, or someone who's actually creating content, if they can get you to respond, it's like they won. So I don't know. Yeah, it really is easy for me to just brush them aside. That might change as I become a published author and get more negative reviews. Who knows? I don't know. I'll update you all. We'll see how it goes, but at least right now, it's totally manageable.

 

I have blocked a few people... men because they've left creepy comments. But it's like a handful over the years I've been doing it, it's really not many. And also remember that when you are okay, this is the other thing I try to remember. When I am... How do I want to say this? When I was first starting to create content like I shared, I was very worried about what certain members of my extended family would think I was worried of, like, judgment. I was so paralyzed with people just thinking I was awkward and embarrassing and cringy and I had a coach who asked me, okay, well, do you think there's a possibility that maybe those people are judging you so hard in this hypothetical situation, because this hasn't this didn't happen, or I didn't know about it happening. Maybe they weren't judging me. I just didn't hear it.

 

But in this situation, is there a possibility that some of these people are being so judgmental and letting this take up so much brain space for them, because there's a part of them that is envious, that wants to do the same thing, they want to put themselves out there, they want to create content, and they feel like they can't, and it makes them angry that you're doing this. And she was right on for one of the people in my life, I could clearly see that I was triggering her again in this hypothetical situation, because I knew there was a part of her that wanted to create content also, and had tried, and It never really went anywhere.

 

So also consider that just, just, just keep that in mind with triggering people. Oh, shoot. There was one other thing. I as I was talking like five minutes ago, I was like, oh, I need to remember that. To share that as another tip, I didn't have it on my sheet. What was it? Let me look back through my notes here. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what it was. I'll see if I can think of it. And, oh, I just realized my phone died in the middle of recording, which means there's gonna be no to YouTube video, which is fine for you if you're listening to this, because you're listening to the podcast and not the video, but sorry, there's gonna be no YouTube video. I just cannot. I'm 22 minutes in. I can't start over.

 

Oh, it's frustrating. Okay, I remembered what I was gonna say. I had to stop the recording for a second. Do not try to out smart the algorithm of Instagram, X Tiktok, whatever platform you're on, okay, you will have so much more peace in your life if you just accept that. Yeah, there are some things you can do to make your post your content more likely to get pushed out to people, like having some hashtags posting it a certain time, I don't know, having a good hook, having some text on screen like there are absolutely things you can do to help your chances, but ultimately, you cannot control how your video performs, and you do not need to place all of your worth and your weight in the numbers. Okay, this is something I wish I could just drill into my head years ago because I agonized over videos that didn't perform. I even a few times took down videos that didn't do well, because I was like, oh my god, it's so embarrassing. This video only has 200 views. I'm gonna take it down instead of being like, Wait a second.

 

No, the 200 people view that video. Think of 200 people standing in a room right now. That's a lot of people. 200 people that I don't know viewed my video. That's amazing. So if you start to get caught up in that, visualize however many people did whatever action you're thinking of, view the video, commented, liked whatever. But then also just just separate it, just try to release that and not put a lot of weight, or just like, pay a lot of attention to how things are performing, because I promise, it's a trap. It's a vicious cycle. And then you question yourself and you doubt, and it shows up in your confidence. You start to doubt your it's just a spiral you don't want to get into. So yes, pay attention to if something seems to be working better than.

 

Something else. Maybe that's a type of content or whatever that you continue on with. Maybe there is a more ideal time of day for you to post, sure, maybe videos that have text on screen do better than videos that don't. But basics, all right, please do not try to figure out the algorithm or outsmart it or hack it, because it's just a recipe for unhappiness, and you don't want to have social media take over your life, and you don't want to have the numbers determine your worth and how you're feeling about yourself. Because I've definitely gotten into that trap before, where, if I've gone through, if I've had a stretch of low views and I'm not getting many followers. I'm like, Oh, well shit. What am I gonna do? This is terrible. The algorithm hates me. I'm in 200 view jail, blah, blah, blah, like, and it's just a fruitless exercise, because we don't have the answers to the algorithm. Yeah. Again, there are some things we can do to maximize our chances of being seen, but beyond that, you kind of just have to release it. Like, once you post your video, once you post your piece, your piece of content,that's it. Focus on engaging with people. If they decide to comment, you know, respond back, respond to messages. But other than that, just let it go.

 

Okay? I think that's everything I want to say. Oh, you know what this is. Jumping back a bit, I don't know if I should say this. No, fuck it. I'm gonna say it because I do feel strongly about this. Okay, when it comes to appearance on video, I want to talk about, I want to talk about how you look on on videos. I know that in some ways, like I'm in a place of privilege talking about this because I am a white woman in a more thin body who is not disabled, and like I have a lot of privilege in the way that I look physically the way that I present. So I'm aware of that when talking about this, but I do want to say that I would really encourage you to not feel like you need to alter your physical appearance before you can appear on camera. Whether this means having your hair perfectly done, having your makeup perfectly done, having an insanely heavy filter on where it alters and distorts your appearance to the point where you can't even tell what you look like.

 

I would really strongly encourage you to stay away from those things, because what can happen is almost like a level. Well, I'm not going to get too in the weeds with this actually, because I think that maybe this is a topic for another. For another day, but I will just say that I know it's tempting to or maybe it's tempting to want to do those things, or to hide behind certain things, like heavy filters and look filters can be fun, for sure. But again, if you think about the purpose of social media, it's to connect with readers. It's to build a community of people. And if people don't know what you look like, if you Never show your face on social media, it's going to be hard to connect. And I have just found for my own mental health, it's better for me if I don't use a filter, because then what happens?

 

I'll start to look at myself in my phone screen, in my camera, and start to pick apart the way that I look, and start to think that like, God, I just look. I just look so much better if I have a filter on, because it smooths out my fine lines, I don't have any. My double chin is gone. My hair is smoother, whatever it is, right? And then I start to look at myself in real life, and I just get dissatisfied with my appearance, and so I've had to be very careful, and I've made a decision for myself that I'm not going to use any filters, and that what I look like is none of my business. And again, I recognize there's I have a lot of privilege in saying that because video content, it's a visual medium. I am aware of that. But I also just think for our own mental health and how we view ourselves, it can be damaging to be super critical of our appearance, or using heavy filters that completely distort how we look.

 

Yeah, again, this is like a sensitive area, but I do stand behind that, because I just know that like and I'm 38 and I'm dealing with all of these, these things where, if I do use filters, I start to have insecurities about my body and my face and my skin tone and all of this shit. I cannot imagine being a teenage girl and experiencing all of that and thinking about like filters and how that distorts your appearance.Yeah, ultimately, I guess what I should say, what I should land on, more solid ground, is to say this is a decision that you'll have to make for yourself, but I would really urge you, if you can, to not get too heavily into all of that stuff and embrace this is why I look at the camera.

 

I'm recording, I don't look at myself, because if you're not looking at the camera, people can sense that it looks like you're looking down. But also, I just look at my camera, and of course, I have to see myself when I'm editing a video, like, I can't avoid it, but it helps minimize it. If I just talk to the camera, and I don't worry about, like, Oh, my mouth moved weird in that part, I need to re record that, or put a filter on it or something, what I look like is none of my business. Okay, rant over. Thank you for listening. I hope this was helpful, and we could do another social media Well, I don't want to have too many episodes about social media. I guess I don't want to beat a dead horse, but if you all have questions, feel free to submit them in the Q and A we have a Q and A episode that comes out the last Tuesday of every month. So if you have specific questions about stuff that I didn't cover in these two episodes last week or this week, then definitely submit them, and I can answer them for you in the Q and A episode.

 

All right. Again, social media, it can feel daunting and overwhelming, but I just want to share like I love social media. It has brought so many amazing opportunities into my life. I'm so excited for this next phase of my career as an author, hopefully using social media in a slightly different way to connect with readers, as opposed to just like, you know, followers. I'm just excited. I'm excited because content creation is a really creative outlet. For me. It's fun, and even if you never get to that point with it, hopefully you can get to a point where you just feel okay about content and like, yeah, it's kind of cool that you get to connect with readers authors. 40 years ago did not have this opportunity, so the fact that we have it is pretty cool, if you stop and think about it. Alright. Well, good luck with your content, and I will be cheering you on. You've got this get those reps in. Build up your confidence.

Katie Wolf