157: A Message for Struggling Writers

 

If you've been struggling to write lately, you're not alone! This episode is a message from me to you. 

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A MESSAGE FOR STRUGGLING WRITERS

Hi friend, this is a an episode for you if you are struggling right now. I feel like I've just been having a lot of conversations lately with writer friends that I have, people in the novel jumpstart program, coaching clients, editing clients. It's like, collectively, everyone's just kind of struggling a bit with writing, and not only struggling with writing, but really beating themselves up about it. And that's the part I want to address, because, yeah, there are strategies and things that you can do to encourage yourself to write. And I have a couple of podcast episodes that talk about motivation.

 

I mean, I get questions a lot from people who are like, how do I get motivated to sitdown and write? And it's a tricky thing, because it's like, some days you don't that'snot how it works. Like you just kind of have to sit down and do it, and then you get motivation. But we can't always wait for motivation or inspiration. But then also, on the other hand, there are things you can do to put you in a better frame of mind, to sit down and write, including things like taking a writing class, looking at writing related content online, reading a favorite book that you love, talking to another writer, just doing some free writing, journaling, right? There are other things.

 

There are things you can do. And we had a training in the novel jumpstart group recently about mindset and how I framed it for the people in the group, for the writers, is like, there is no one magic tool that is going to hack your process and solve everything for you so that you are never going to again struggle to want to write. You are never going to like feel imposter syndrome or comparison or doubt your writing, or feel stuck like there is no magic bullet. And I feel like when I was a beginning writer and I was experiencing those things, I looked for something. I wanted to hack my way to it. I wanted to solve it. And there are strategies and tips that can help. And those are the things I just talked about.

 

There are other things that I share about on social media, on the podcast, but there is no cure, because it's not a problem to feel like you're struggling or to feel like you're blocked. Those are just inherent parts of the creative process. It doesn't mean that there's something wrong that needs to be solved. But on the other hand,I can I can understand. I've been there. It's so frustrating when you're like, I want to write, I want to be making progress, but I just can't do it for whatever reason. Or if Ido it, it feels like pulling teeth to actually get words on the page. So anyways, if that's you, because of anything that's been going on in your life, anything in the world, or just something you're experiencing, I just this episode is for you.

 

Okay, onemore thing I want to say to like, introduce this before I go into everything. I work with a lot of very high achieving, successful, smart women like that. I'm in awe of my my demographics. When I look at my social media accounts, is overwhelmingly women. Tiktok, for example, I just looked at, is like 81% women. And if you're a man and listening to this, I love you. Thank you for being here. And I've worked with men too as clients. So it's not that my clients are exclusively women, but I just seem to attract a really smart like competent, high achieving, like awesome woman, just like really fucking cool people. And with that, a lot of them struggle with perfectionism and a really strong inner critic that tells them they are not doing things right. Their writing is trash. They should be doing more. And perfectionism really quick, really quickly.

 

The way that I talk about it and think about it, this is something I learned a number of years ago. Perfectionism is not the desire to be perfect. Perfectionism is feeling guilt and shame for not being perfect. So if you are someone who has a very judgmental part of your brain who constantly tells you that you're not doing enough that can apply to your writing as well. That's something that I've really had to confront the last few years, where I was in therapy a couple of years ago, and one of the things. Things we really worked on is how harsh my inner voice is to myself, not just with writing, but with everything.

 

And it's like I'm 38 I just turned 38 all like I've been on this planet for a number of years, and it was so insidious that I didn't even realize how hard I was being on myself, because in my mind, my brain's mind, my therapist, and I talked about it as the manager part of me who islike managing me and trying to motivate me through beating myself up and feeling guilty for if I don't do something. And sometimes that works like sometimes that works to get myself to do something, but it doesn't feel good to have that voice, that part of me that's just so judgmental and mean and telling me all kinds of stories about why I'm not good enough, because I need to be doing X, Y, Z, like all the other things, right?

 

Anyway,so it's a bit of a tangent. Well, not a tangent, but because it's related. But there, I'm just, I've been there, and I know how hard it can be when that all gets applied to your writing life as well. So there are three things that I want to tell you in this episode that will not solve it for you, because, again, nothing's going to solve it, but what will hopefully help as you start to reframe this in your mind, it's like you have to retrain your brain. It really is a new way of thinking and operatingand a new way of viewing yourself and your creative works, things are so much better for me now. Well, let me, let me get into the three things, and then we'll talkabout it. Okay.

 

Um, number one, writing can be an escape, but it's okay if it's not for you. I shared on social media. I Okay. I have a coaching client who I'm always in awe of. She went through some really horrible things in her life and turned, it's like she turned that energy and focus, focused it into writing, and she was able to write like an insane number of words, right? And I've heard that from other people too. When something's going on in their personal life, they use writing as an escape. They useit to distract. It's like they channel all of their feelings into their works. And I love that, and I respect that so much. And if that's you, please keep doing it. It's fucking awesome. That's not how it works for me, at least it has not been up until this point. Maybe if I were writing something very close to what I was experiencing, it might help. But for me, it has not been that way.

 

When I'm really in it, I'm feeling sad, I'm feeling frustrated, I'm whatever. Sometimes I just cannot write, and that's okay. I think that what I can channel is working out my feelings about something in my writing. I talked when we in the midpoint episode, I talked a little about the previous draft of my thriller that involved a sorority and a podcast. And I started out with this idea of a podcast and a sorority and all that, because I'm so fascinated by sororities. I love them. I think they're amazing opportunities to build community for young women. I was inone myself for a year, and then I dropped out, but and I had a good experience.

 

But there's also a lot of problems with sororities, especially in this day and age, with these like really, really deeply ingrained gender dynamics with sororities and fraternities, the way they uphold these traditional kind of gender roles. And there'sa lot of depending on the school, a lot of like racism and classism built into the system. There's just all these things about sororities that they're so nuanced and complicated and a study in contradictions. And I wanted to work out how I was feeling about that in fiction. And I also just wanted to write about sororities, because, again, I think they're interesting.

 

So doing all the research for it was enjoyable. So I think I can work out my feelingsabout something, but I can't channel my feelings about something in my life that I'm currently experiencing into producing work. And so if that's you, if you cannot write when you are feeling some type of way about something, it is okay. It is it okay if you have other coping mechanisms and writing is just not one of them, that's fine, please, please. I promise it's fine. And I know there can be a little bit of like comparison in that well, like, oh, but these writers over here can, it doesn't matter, even those writers where you're like, Oh, that would be so nice to be able to channel things in. They have their own issues. Everyone's got something they'redealing with.

 

I promise number two is that all progress counts, even if it's not words on the page. People talk. People joke about, like, on social media, it's kind of a trend to joke about, like, Oh, I'm still writing because I'm going to a bookstore, or I'm still writing because I'm googling this one random thing. And, like, strictly speaking, it's not writing, right? Like you're not actually writing, but it all counts as progressand like, especially if there's a heavy amount of research in what you have to do, or a heavy amount of world building, if you are writing fantasy or sci fi or something that requires you to come up with a magic system and a location. Andall these things, or if you're writing historical fiction and you have to research the time period that you're writing in, that all counts as progress.

 

And even if, if you're not, if none of those things applies to you, even if you're just doing some brainstorming and making a decision about your character or making a decision about how you want the book to end, like just brainstorming, counts asprogress, and it can be so hard to not fall into this trap of, like, measuring your worth by how productive youwere when it comes to writing, that was a trap. Well,it is still a trap I fall into sometimes outside of writing and like, how much I got done with my editing business, for example. Like, did I have a good day because I was productive, but, and this is where I talk about word counttracking as a way to motivate yourself, but that's not a standard approach that'sgoing to work for everyone, because some people get crazy with tracking words because it's like, they're just if they don't hit a certain word count that day, they'relike, they internalize it and let it mean something about them. So that's why I always try to include a caveat.

 

Like writing, you don't have to track your word counts. Sometimes in periods of my life where I've had a lot going on, where I felt depressed, where I was struggling, burned out, whatever, sometimes the best thing with writing, when I can sit down and write, is to just focus on minutes and not words. So holding myself to I'm going to write for 15 minutes, do a quick writing sprint, and that's it. I'm not going to set a word count goal. I'm not going to measure my progress anyother way. Just do that, right? And even with like just brainstorming, brainstorming takes an enormous amount of mental and creative energy to do, whether you're doing it before you start your book, before you start writing, or while you're writing, like just thinking about your book takes up a lot of space in your brain, making decisions, considering different angles of something.

 

That's a lot of work, and we have to give ourselves credit for that, even if it's not sitting down and getting 1000 words on the page or whatever. So please remember like all progress counts, okay? And if you are an anxious, girly, anxious person who does not like tracking words, you do not have to do that. You do not have to do any sort of tracking at all if it makes you anxious. And last thing I just want to say is that, oh, no, sorry, I have four things I just forgot. Okay, third thing Iwant to say is, you're worthy and you're doing a good job. I'm going to say it again, because I feel like a lot of us need to hear it. I do. You are worthy of writinga book, and you're doing a good job. Writing a book is really fucking hard.

 

It's simple in the sense I'm putting output simple in air quotes, because it's simple in the sense that, yes, there are frameworks to follow, and a lot of stories feel similar, but it's not for the faint of heart. It is an incredibly complex thing, especially if you are working on your first book, because that is the first time that you're doing it. You're learning as you go. You're figuring things out, you're figuring out your process. You're figuring out how to create an entire world, how to create characters, how to write dialog, like all these things are new. You are learning so much, and it's so important to just remember like you were doing a good job. You were you, I promise you're doing a good job. It's hard. It really is hard.

 

And so I think the most like, one of the most important things to remember in this process is that, number one, it is hard. But number two, you just got to give yourself grace. You got to give yourself grace because the process is hard enough. And to add in that mental that inner critic who's beating you up about not doing it perfectly or not doing it like well enough, that just makes it even harder to actually do it Okay. Last thing I want to say is that you are I just wrote down in my notes, you are on the path. I'm in a position now where things are. I mean, I've shared on this podcast how frustrated I am at the way things have been unfolding for my own publishing journey, and that I did not think I would be here when I first started writing years later, and not have a book that I can hold inmy hands that is very hard and frustrating, and there are a lot of days where I getdiscouraged, but I just have to remember like I'm on the path.

 

All of the experience that I've gained, writing three books now, all of the experience that I've gained, editing those books, developing those characters, telling different kinds of stories. None of that is wasted, and it might not feel like it every day, but I try to tell myself that I am on the path. I. Um, I have a coaching client who talks about it being a marathon, not a sprint, and it's funny. I'm gonna talk about another client briefly. I said I shared that with her because we were talking about things being kind of tough and and she's like, yes, it's a marathon, but it's like, one of those tough mudder races, or where they're like, it's an obstacle course where, like, stuff's thrown at you and you have to jump over mud and, like, that's the kind of marathon it is. And I'm like, Yeah, that's that's a good analogy. And she was talking about publishing too.

 

So anyways, I just you're on the path, like the fact that you're listening to this podcast, the fact that you are either writing or considering writing, the fact that you have that desire, means that you are taking steps and and getting where youneed to be, where you want to be, even if you can't see how the path is going to be in the future. I for myself, I just have to trust that things are unfolding this way for a reason, that it comes down to timing, that I'm going to be able to look back,hopefully in the near future, like hopefully soon, and see why things unfolded this way. But until then, I just have to trust that I'm on the path, and I believe that I'm on the path my writing has improved so much in the years that I've been writing.

 

When I look at my first book, or like early short stories that I wrote, compared to now, I've grown so much, and I've also become so much more resilient as a writer,as a person just putting myself out there on social media, being seen like I've grown so much over the last four or five years, and writing is part of that. I've gained so much experience and knowledge. So just trust that for yourself, wherever you are in your journey, even if it's not, if it's completely different to mine, that's okay. Just trust that you're on the path. Okay. This a couple years ago, maybe a year ago, I don't even remember. I had a tough love episode that came out. And so think of this as, like, the antidote, the antidote, not really antidote, kind of the opposite of that. Like, if you need a tough love episode to get you writing, you can listen to that one.

 

But if you just needed some encouragement, hopefully this helped every writer struggles. Please, don't feel like you're alone. This is something that is so normal. There's there's this joke in the writing community that people don't really like writing. They just like having written. And I heard Greta Gerwig, the director, say that once, and I was like, okay, even someone who I mean, yes, she directs, but when it comes to storytelling, it's hard. It's just hard, and I think we need to normalize that as part of the process. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. It doesn't mean you're not cut out for it. It's just that it's hard because it's not even the actual thing that's hard. It's all the mind chatter that goes on that accompanies it, that makes it difficult, but it's so rewarding and satisfying once you have written. So all right, thank you for listening again. I hope this was helpful, and thank you so much for listening.

Katie Wolf