146: How to Make Writer Friends

 

Having writer friends really helps your creative process! In this episode, learn how to connect with other writers and make some writer BFFs.

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how to make writer friends

Hello. Welcome to your big creative life Podcast. I'm Katie Wolf. I just recorded an episode right before this that was about AI. It was about NaNoWriMo and their stance, their statement that they came out with about AI, which is a whole thing, and you can go listen to that episode if you haven't, but I got so frustrated and like riled up by recording that episode, and I was like, Okay, what's a counter to that? How can I talk about something more positive? Because it just left me feeling gross.

 

So you can think of this as, like,I don't know, maybe a counter. Well, okay, it's not directly it's not like a true counterpoint to that episode. But we're going to talk about the benefits of a writing community, how to build a writing community, how to make writer friends, because that's something that's so amazing about the this community of people who are writers, who are wanting to write, just just it's one of the biggest selling points for me, of like, why you should do this is to get involved with writing people and book people, because they're amazing and AI or written books. I mean, it just like takes. I'm not gonna rehash all the shit I said in that episode, but, yeah, okay, I'm not gonna get into that.

 

So what I want to talk about in this episode is just like, how you can find your people, how you can make writer friends, because this is something that is so valuable, both because you can use these friends for to help you with your book. I mean, use that verb sounds harsh. You can get help from these people with your books. You can use them as beta readers. You can beta read for them like swap work. They can give you recommendations and connections. If you're looking for a professional that you want to work with, they can get get you connected to people. And also, it's just a good thing to be able to have people who are doing the thing that you are doing, who are who understand the challenges and roller coaster that is writing.

 

This is something that I talk about with writer friends a lot. It's just like the frustration and the talking through a decision about, you know, I'm thinking about this, but maybe I want to do this, and this character just isn't quite working, but I need to, like all of that is so valuable, to be able to process that with people, and you can, of course, do that with people who aren't writers, but there's a level of understanding that your fellow writers are going to have that they it goes beyond just commiserating and offering you a listening ear. They can problem solve with you. They're there. They understand it's just, it's so valuable.

 

So I'm gonna give you four tips of like, how to make writer friends, and also talk a little bit about how I did this, because it ties into some of these things that I'm going to share with you. Okay, number one is to find a writing group. Some of these might seem obvious, by the way, but I just want to, I just, I want to put all this stuff in one episode and talk about my experience with it, because it can feel daunting when you're first getting started as a writer, and you want to make some connections. So number one is to find a writing group. I've talked a lot on social media, and I think on the podcast as well, about my critique group that I was part of, a writing group I was part of when I lived in Nashville, and I just think it was one of the best things for me as a writer to have that, and I was part of it for several years, and it really helped me grow as a writer.

 

So just a quick history of this, and maybe to give you an idea of where to look if you want to find a group, there's a literary Center in Nashville called the porch. And they have this thing called draft chat, which is where I believe it was, like, once a month, maybe it took place on, like a Monday night for two hours, and you would come and bring something that you were working on, and you would bring, like, 10 pages, maybe, and it was small, it was capped to, like, I don't know, six people, five people, something like that, and a host, like a moderator, and you would just swap work. So you'd set a timer and be like, All right, 20 this person gets 15 minutes. This person gets 20 minutes, and you would pass around copies of your work to everyone. They would read it and then have discussion about it, offer you suggestions, share their thoughts, etc. So it was getting real time feedback, and in draft chat there.

 

No, you didn't read ahead, ahead of time, so there's no work that was required outside of the group. It was like, you just come to the group, you print out five copies or six copies of your work, share it with people, and then get feedback. And people could also write comments if they wanted, and then send it, you know, send it home with you. So that was really valuable. And I made a connection there with a friend, you know, I started coming to draft chat regularly, and she was looking at putting together a group that met outside of the porch. So she asked me if that was, if that would be something that I was interested in. And I said, Yes, absolutely.

 

So we met. We started meeting right before covid. We had, like, a couple of in person meetings, and then covid hit, so we switched over to zoom. And then once covid was done, we met. We started meeting again in person. We met once a month. Most months we skipped, like, December for the holidays and stuff, and it was awesome. And and we would send work ahead of time. So the week before we would meet, we would all put our stuff into Google Drive, and then people could read it ahead of time, so that when we met, we would just talk about the work, and there wasn't, you didn't have to read it then, and it just again. It really helped me grow as a writer. It helped me get connected with other writers who were local in the community, and it made me feel like I was a part of something bigger than myself. Because writing alone, you know, if you've started writing and you're listening to this, it can feel isolating. It can feel lonely, because it's just you staring at your computer, and this was a way to be part of a community.

 

And, yeah, it just was, it was valuable, because I improved as a writer, but it also helped me understand how to give feedback on people's work. Like that was something I started doing when I started attending the draft chat group. Is understanding how to give feedback to people, how meaning, not to be too harsh, and to have like, constructive criticism, not just like, well, I don't like this, so I think you need to change it. But then also how to receive feedback, what elements of story to look for in terms of plot, characters, conflict, etc. And it was very helpful for me, so that's something that I definitely recommend. So you can look at if you live in a city that has a writing center or a literary center like that. Definitely check that out. I've also seen flyers at libraries where they're like, hey, the first Tuesday of the month, we meet in the library and bring your work. You know, you can, you can check out libraries, maybe even like, a, I don't know if, like, a college or something would have would have something for the community, but definitely something look to look into if you are interested in that.

 

Okay? And then my second suggestion is look at book related events, I think, like author signings, book festivals, things like that, where there are people who are interested in books, because the the overlap is there. Not everyone who's a reader and very into books is a writer or wants to be a writer, but there is a lot of overlap. So like my writing group, a couple of us met up with the southern Festival of Books that was happening in Nashville. So, you know, there's, there's, yeah, if you live in a big city, there's going to be more events like this. Obviously, maybe you have a festival that takes place in your city. Maybe you have a bookstore that has lots of author signings and events.

 

Even if you do live in a big city, it's like the literary community starts to feel kind of small in a good way. So you probably, if you start attending events regularly, you will probably start to recognize the same people. You could strike up conversations, which I know sounds terrifying if you're an introvert like me, but it really is just a good way to get in community, in in spaces with other people who are interested in writing. So that's an option too.

 

Number three is so obvious, but it's social media, particularly if you live in a rural area, if you don't have a big bookstore in your town that does author signings, if you don't have any access to like a writing group in person, this is a great way to get plugged in and connected for all of that online. And Tiktok changed the game for me, specifically with writer friends, because Instagram, I was doing Bookstagram content years ago, and I definitely got plugged in and connected with fellow Bookstagram creators, but that was when I was just starting to explore writing, and none of them were writers, and it, I don't know, I never really did the work myself of trying to find that community on Instagram, because I was finding it in person.

 

But then when Tiktok came around, it was like it just happened naturally. So I have a writer friend who we actually text like on the phone after we were messaging on Tiktok for like months, and it was because I actually can't remember how it started. Like I commented, we started following each other because we were both writers who were had agents and were preparing to go on submission or something, and she talked about leaving her agent, and then I messaged her, or she messaged me, and then we just got talking, because we were in a similar boat with our writing and our author careers, you know, not being at the place that we wanted them to be at. So it was great to have that connection.

 

And I actually just texted her for accountability the other day, because I was like, I need to check in with my agent. I need to see what the status is. But, you know, she's been so busy, I don't want to bug her, but, like, I gotta do it. And this friend was like, Yes, do it? Text me after you you email her. So anyways, it's just, it's it's happened so naturally, and that's happened with other people on tick tock as well, that, like we follow each other, we'll message. I even got connected with other editors that way too. There are a couple of editors that I've met through tiktok who it's just good to have those connections, you know, like, I had a question about something related to line editing, and I don't offer line editing as a service, and so I messaged one of my mutuals on Tiktok. It was like, Hey, I've got a question for you about your line editing services. Like, how do you handle this? Or, like, do you do this? And we just chatted back and forth about it, and it was great. So get involved.

 

This doesn't mean that you have to necessarily create content. If that's not something you're comfortable with, you're not at that step yet of creating content to like promote your book or something, that's fine. You can just engage with people who are creating content, engage with people who are also commenting on other people's videos. I've talked about finding BETA readers on social media before, and this is kind of a similar thing. Like, if you just people post, I see posts that come across my FYP that's like, hey, writers, if you're looking for beta readers, like comment on this post, or their hashtags that you can use, like, beta readers want it, or seeking BETA readers, or whatever.

 

I don't remember what the specific hashtags are, but like, do some work to figure out where your people are. If you're looking for beta readers, if you're just looking for friends, start engaging just like with real life. It can take a little while. It's not like you're gonna find a ton of writer friends after two days of doing this and just be like, super close with them. But it's like that in the real world too. It takes time to get to know people, it takes time to feel to form that closeness, and you have to devote energy to it, just like you would in the real world, like offline. I guess I need to stop saying real world, because social media is kind of real world. But yeah, I guess I should just say offline.

 

Anyways. Okay, my last tip is all of these things, but it's like a different angle on it is to expand outside of your genre, or expand outside of like fiction, if that's what you're working on. Because I think a lot of times we get very narrow on the kinds of writers that we want to like, be in community with and talk to, like I write. I'm writing a thriller right now, so it could be very easy for me to say, like, oh, I need to get plugged into the thriller community. Which, yes, that's awesome. Definitely do that, getting in community, join author associations of the genre that you're writing in, all of that.

 

But don't forget to broaden that. I mean, if you just want some writers to, like, I don't know, do a virtual writing sprint with once in a while, then they don't have to be writing the genre, the earring. They don't even have to be writing fiction. They could be writing a children's book. They could be writing a self help book. They could be writing a memoir. It does not matter. One of the connections that I made from draft chat was this woman who was writing, like personal essays. So her stuff was all nonfiction, and we got to be really good friends. We actually met up quite a bit for coffee in Nashville, and like even were like accountability buddies for a while with our writing, and she wasn't writing fiction, but that's okay. We could still write together. We could talk about the process so kind of like, expand your your circle of your net that you're casting for writer friends.

 

And then finally the So Tip Four was sort of like related to the first three tips. So I'm going to give you one more is to look at conferences like writing related conferences, book related conferences, attending events again, just like being I guess I kind of falls under book related events. But there's something about conferences specifically, I know this is not a financially, you know possible for a lot of people, because you do have to pay to attend conferences.

 

Sometimes you have to travel, but if it's something that you're interested in, and if it's a if it's in your budget, that can be a really good way to to meet people, because there's the the learning that goes on at conferences, there's the panels, but then there's also the social part of it, there's the events, the mixers, the all of that stuff. Um, that's really helpful as well. I went to a conference in I haven't been to a conference since, um,  let's see I think it's been four years, maybe,yeah, but it was, it was very helpful for me, because it was like right before I started querying, and just talking with people who were also in that same boat of wanting to query, getting ready to query was awesome.

 

So yes, there was the educational part of it, and learning about the process, learning how important your first page is, all that stuff, but then also just being getting to know other writers was cool, so okay, put yourself out there. Even if you're an introvert, you can do this online. Remember, it's going to take some time. It's going to take some energy and effort on your part, just like it would offline. If you're going to book related events or conferences or whatever. Whether you do this in person or online, it's going to take some effort, but it's so worth it. And these are are connections that can really serve you, just on an emotional kind of like relationship level, but then also in the future, you know, you never know who's going to have a connection to someone and can put you in contact with this person, or who could write a blurb for you if you're for your book down the road. I mean, you just never know. And it's it's part of like supporting other writers to to do this.

 

I might have a friend who talks about this and uses the term literary citizen, which I really like, like just being a good literary citizen, engaging with other writers content, showing up to book signings of other authors, supporting them by buying their books. It's all part of this. So the more that you can do that, the wider net you'll you'll cast, and the more connections you'll make, the more friends that you make. And you don't have to feel so alone on this, on this process. So put yourself out there. It's worth it, and I'll see you next week.

Katie Wolf