086: How to Let Other People Read Your Writing (Even If It Feels Scary)

 

Letting other people read your work can feel scary, especially if it's something you haven't done before. But getting feedback from trusted people is a big part of how we improve as writers. Learn my tips for how to do this even if it feels overwhelming!

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How to Let Other People Read Your Writing

(Even If It Feels Scary)

Hi, Friends, welcome back to the podcast, I have this moment where I have a podcast document on my Google Drive where I just put down ideas for episodes and come up with titles and stuff. And I was like, looking at my numbers, and I'm like, wait a second, we're in the 80s. Like, I've come up with like, 86 podcast episodes, is that right? Holy crap.

 

A part of me is like, amazed that I've been so consistent and done this every week for that long. But the honest truth of it is, it's knowing that people are listening to the podcast, makes it easier for me to just get out an episode every week because people expect it. They know that the Blank Page book podcast comes out every Tuesday. It's published at 3am. That's when I have it set to release.

 

And yeah, I've really, really enjoyed creating this podcast it's been, it was kind of daunting at the beginning overwhelming to think about doing this every week. But as I've done more episodes, got more confident and gotten into flow as far as like, how to actually do this in my week, and how to how to, you know, make sure that I have time for it. I really enjoy it. So I just want to say thank you for listening. And yeah, excited to keep creating episodes.

 

I also wanted to share with you something exciting, which is that I have two coaching spots that are opening up July 3. So I have a six month coaching program where I coach people through the process of writing their book, you send me pages regularly, I review them and giving notes you can check in with me Monday through Friday on this app that we use, you can get coaching, ask me questions, just talk through anything that's coming up, you get coaching calls, I do editing, there's there's a lot that's included in the six months. But for the people for these two spots that are opening up at the beginning of July, I'm doing something a little bit different because I'm going on maternity leave this fall.

 

So instead of having six straight months of us working together, which which is a tight timeline, I mean, it's I'll just be honest, it is it is a lot to do what we do in six months. But these two spots, what we're going to do is you're going to we're going to work together for three months, then we'll take two months off, where you are just on your own writing. And then we'll pick back up and work together for another three months. So the timing is going to be split. So it's essentially an eight month if you want to call it an eight month program, but it really is six months of us working together. And this is actually a big benefit for you. Because you get those two months, you get October and November to just write, you get extra time to get your draft out. And then we pick back up and start working together in December.

 

So if you have been thinking about this coaching program, but six months just feels too tight of a timeline, it feels like too much with other responsibilities, other things you have going on in your life, I completely understand. And I would really encourage you to look at one of these two spots. Because again, you'll get an extra two months and we'll have a coaching call before I go out on maternity leave. Like we'll have a coaching call so that you know what you're working on so that you feel supported and you feel good and like you have a plan for what you're going to be working on and what you're going to be writing in October and November.

 

So yeah, so I will put the link to the page with all the information on it in the description of this episode, you can check out exactly what's included. And then there's a form that you can fill out to signal your interest in working with me and on that form, I'll update it. So if one of the spots gets filled before this episode comes out, or both whatever, I'll just update that form so that you know if both are open if one or open kind of what the what the deal is. Once you fill out that form I'll reach out to you. And we'll just set up a quick Zoom call and it's it's really informal. It's just a chance for us to meet virtually and for both of us to see if it would be a good fit for us to work together. Because I want to make sure that you know you feel good about it.

 I feel like I can help you and support you and what you’re wanting to write and we can just go from there. So yes, again, go check out that page if you think this is something that you might be interested in. And once those two spots are filled in July, I won't be taking on any more clients until December. So just as a heads up, if you're thinking about this year, and you want to work with me, but you're not, you know, thinking about timing, I have these two spots, and then I won't be signing any new coaching clients until I come back from maternity leave in December.

 

All right, so the subject of this week's episode is something that I've actually been thinking about as it relates to my coaching clients, because they get as part of working with me, what's included in the program is they get for the first month of the program, they get up to 25 pages that they can send me and I review and read and make notes on. And this is good to just keep people on track to make sure that they're making progress. But it's also good for me to start to really understand the story. And for me to flag any potential big issues so that we can fix big issues with the plot the characters, etc. Early on in the story, right, instead of letting them become big issues, and then there's a lot more work at the end to go back and fix those. And when people send me pages for the first time, it's, for most people, it feels like, very scary.

 

And yeah, but there's just a lot of fear with that. And I always tell people, like, you know, I know that you're sending me 25 pages from your draft, like, I know that it's rough. I know it's scary, but I'm just here to help you, I promise. And whether you are doing something like that, or you're sending early pages to someone, or you have finished your draft, you have edited it already, and you're sending it off to beta readers. Either one of those or anywhere in between, it's it can be still like very, very scary to let other people in to let other people read your writing.

 

And I will tell you from my experience and the experience of other writers I know and then I've worked with that this gets better, it gets easier. This is a muscle of resilience that you are strengthening every time you do this. And the honest truth is that you don't have to, there's no author or writer rules out there that say that you have to let X number of people review your manuscript before you publish it.

 

However, the benefit of getting people to look at your work is you get an outside perspective, we are so close to our writing, that we just can't see it objectively, we can't, we can miss things, we can think that we're doing something effectively, but it's not really coming across. We can miss plot holes, we can miss inconsistencies, we can think that our characters are being portrayed one way, but they're really not. There are all sorts of things that can happen. And so having someone else give you their thoughts can just it can be so helpful.

 

So I want to give you some tips and some steps for how to do this, like a practical how to guide, even if it feels scary. And the first thing I want to say, even before we get into the steps is is okay that it's scary. I want to acknowledge that and honor that and say like that is not imaginary, it's not silly that you're feeling that way. I get it, it's valid. So don't beat yourself up for for feeling that way and be like, Oh, I shouldn't I need to just get over this this silly. No, you're stepping outside your comfort zone. This is a big step. So just want to acknowledge that.

 

Okay, step number one, these are, these are my tips and what I think can help in the process. It's not an exhaustive list, but just some things that I think can really, really help. Number one is to make sure that it's ready. I did talk about the experience of my coaching clients where I'm looking at early pages, and whether you know, if you're working with a coach, or just if you're working with some alpha readers, people who are giving you feedback early on in the story, that's one thing. But outside of those cases, you're letting someone read a finished product, a finished work.

 

I think it's a good idea to do some editing, like polish it, revise it for sure before you let someone else read it. Okay. This is going to do a couple of things. It's going to help you feel more confident like you are presenting not just a first draft where you just like toss some things together and you want feedback. It's going to help you feel more confident. And also it's going to allow the person to give you more concrete feedback on a story that has been have gone through some revision and isn't full of all kinds of errors that you already know about. Right. So just make sure it's ready.

 

Everyone has a different kind of process for this or a different comfort level, it might be that you just need to do one really solid, thorough round of revision before you let someone read it. It might be doing a few rounds, whatever the case may be something that I did, when I had a critique group in Nashville that I met with, I would bring a chapter from something that I was working on, or a short story back when I was writing short stories, but for books, I would bring a chapter or something that I was working on. And even though I was still in the, in the drafting process, like the book wasn't done yet, I would, I would polish that chapter, if I knew I was going to bring it to my writing group. Just a little bit of light polishing and reading over it so that I'm not bringing the some demos, something that's completely rough and unfinished. It helps me feel more confident doing that. So that's the first thing. Number two is to think about what you want out of it.

 

There are two ways I think of this is it's almost like there are two different types of feedback that you can get from people. Number one is simply encouragement. If you just need some encouragement, someone to tell you, Yes, this is worth pursuing. Yes, keep going. If you just need some of that, then you need to be upfront with the person and upfront with yourself that that's what you want that you're not really looking for nitty gritty feedback. You're not looking for specifics. You just want to share this thing that you're working on and get some encouragement versus saying to someone, Hey, can you read this? And give me specific feedback? Like, is this thing working? Does the ending work? Did you relate to the characters is this conflict strong enough, etc.

 

Decide. And then let the person know what kind of feedback you're looking for. Because if you just want some encouragement, if you're like, hey, I did this cool thing, I wrote this book and you let someone read it. And then they come back with a laundry list of things that you need to change. You might be like, wait a second, I just wanted to share this with you because I thought it was cool. And I'm really proud of it. So set those expectations of what you're looking for what you want out of this while you're choosing to share it with someone else.

 

Number three is to choose wisely, who you're going to ask. And this is kind of related to the type of feedback that you're getting. If you want detailed feedback, if you're looking for someone to beta read for you, make sure that you are choosing someone who, at minimum reads books, if you really want detailed feedback on the characters, and the setting, and the dialogue and the plot and all of that. Don't go to someone who hasn't read a book since high school and ask them for their feedback. Because chances are, I mean, there could be exceptions, but chances are most people are just not going to know how to do that. They're not going to know how to analyze a work, they have nothing to compare it to because they don't read. They're not they're not aware of, you know, genre conventions. So their feedback, if you get any might not be super helpful or detailed. So choose wisely. I also think some people are just too close to you to where they can't be honest with you. This is true of most family members.

 

You know, there are exceptions I posted about this on once on social media and someone who was like, my family is brutally honest to the point where they like, you know, they were like giving telling me what their family does and how critical they are. I was like, okay, sounds like your family might be exception. But for most of us, you know, if you show your manuscript to your mom you love and adore and you have good relationship with and you're very close to your mom might not be able to give you a lot of criticism or like objective feedback about the book because they're gonna think it's great because they think you're great. So some people are just too close to us to really give you objective feedback. That isn't always the case, you're going to know you're gonna have a sense of the people in your life and who can be honest with you and who can't. My husband does read my work when it's, it's polished after I've gone through some revision and the draft is in a good place. He has an English degree and is very thoughtful about things and he can really give me feedback and he can't see it fully objectively because he loves me and is so supportive of what I'm doing, but he's a good he's a good person on my list of people that I that I show my work to, so I'm okay.

 

Step number four is to detach from the feedback when someone gives you notes, when you have a conversation with someone, whatever it looks like, after they've, they let you know what they think of the book, I want you to try and have this sense of like non judgmental, detached curiosity, it can be very easy to internalize criticism and to internalize things as reflections of who we are in ourselves. So that when someone points out something that isn't working in the book, they give you a criticism, say like, this is confusing, you need to work on this, it is very easy, if you are new to this, to internalize that and feel guilt and shame about who you are as a person. But you have to remember that they're critiquing the work and not you in who you are. So that's where the sense of detachment comes in. So it's a little bit easier to be open and receptive to those things. It will sting, there's no, there's no way around that like it will, you know, your ego, ego will hurt a little bit. That's okay. But as much as you can, again, just having that sensitive, detached curiosity, and curiosity, meaning being curious about what someone else's experience was of reading your work? Is there anything that you want to take from that? Is there anything that you want to change anything that you want to talk through?

 

Are there things that this person brought up that you had a sneaking suspicion about yourself, and they're just sort of confirming it for you. Having that sense of detachment is so so important. And that's what helps it get easier over time. So detachment from the feedback. And five, I think it's important to remember that you get to decide what you do with that feedback. So there is a step after you've, you know, you've made sure it's ready, think about what you want out of it, you've chosen the people that you're going to ask or person, you've gotten the feedback and detached from it, you get to decide what you do next.

 

If someone's feedback feels like completely out of left field, and you don't agree with it at all. And in fact, you think it would make the story worse, if you decided to implement it, then you have the absolute right to not take their advice, and I take their suggestion. This is where some discernment comes in. And this is something that I think also gets easier. As you start to write more like the more that you write, and the more that you trust your instincts and trust your skills as an author to start to see what lands and what's true versus what near doesn't really feel right.

 

Often, when I get feedback from people that is negative and critical of certain things, there's, there's a part of like a 95% of cases, there's a part of me that already knows it. Or I'm like, yeah, I see what you mean. Yeah, I kind of was worrying about that, too. Okay. All right, I'll go change that, you know, like, it's, it's something that feels so true to me, and I can see exactly what they're talking about.

 

Yeah, so just remember that you get to decide what to do with it. And I think it's also important to be aware of like, okay, is someone just telling you that they don't like something, because it's just their personal preference, versus, hey, this thing isn't effective. And here's why it's not working in the story. There's a difference between those two things. Sure, it's important to get feedback from people on what they liked, and didn't like just to maybe start to get some idea of how readers in the future are going to respond to your work. But really, what you want to be looking for is that more specific, detailed feedback where they can point to specific things in the book and say, this, this is the thing that is not working. And here's why. It's not just my personal opinion that I don't like this trope, so I don't want it in the book.

 

And if someone does give you that feedback, like, you know, again, it's up to you to decide what to do with it. If someone just tells me, for example, that they don't like books about sororities like, that's a big part of what happens in my second book, well, that's fine. They're entitled to their opinion, but it's just an opinion, I'm not going to change my book, because they don't like reading about sororities. So yeah. So those are my steps. Those are my tips and strategies, what I think is helpful for this process. And again, just remember, this is this is how this is part of it's not the only thing, but it's part of how we improve as writers is to open ourselves up, get some outside perspectives, have people point out things that we missed. This is part of how we improve as writers in addition to learning and continuing to write and practicing and all of that.

 

So I was thinking got it as yes, it stings and it's hard. But this is I'm doing this because I want to get better. And I want to learn as a writer. So I hope that's helpful. You know it. Start with just one person. Start with just letting one person read something that you feel confident that you've revised, and then go from there. It's like you kind of have to just rip the band aid off and do it and show it to someone. And then it's gonna get easier over time, I promise.

Katie Wolf