055: The Tough Love Episode to Get You Writing Again
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the tough love episode to get you writing again
Hi, Friends, Welcome to a kind of different episode of the podcast. This is a tough love episode. And tough love is not usually my style, it's, it's rarely my style as a coach, I might do bits of tough love. But overall, it's not my style. It's not the type of content I create in most cases. But sometimes you just need a swift kick in the ass to sit down and write you need someone to give it to you straight, you need some tough love to get you over your feelings and to just sit down and write. So if that's you, if you need just some tough love to get you through whatever it is you're experiencing, or to get you to sit down and write, save this episode. It's for you. And if you're not in a place where you need tough love, that's fine. Listen to some of the other episodes and we'll see you next week.
Okay, so the way that I structure this episode, I have like, four bits of advice for you that are all tough love. Number one, I have to tell you this. If you're new to writing, you might not have experienced this yet. But I have to tell you, you're not going to feel like writing somedays and you're just going to have to frickin write anyways. It is... The Muse is a myth, this, this idea that inspiration will come to us if we're open and we can't force it, we just have to sit and receive and when we're feeling inspired, and when the goddess or the Muse has spoken to us, then we could sit down and write now that's like total bullshit. I, I do believe that there is inspiration out in the world. And I do believe that there is some divine inspiration in terms of an idea coming to us a type of book coming to us that only we can write. I do think that's true.
But if you only write when you feel inspired, and if you only write when you feel motivated and excited and lit up, you're not going to write very much and it is probably going to take you forever to write your book. So sit down and write even if you don't feel like it. It's backwards to sit around and just like wait for motivation and wait for inspiration. You have to get in the habit of writing even on days, when you don't want to sit down and do it. If you're fine with your book, taking 15 years to write and you don't care, then sure. But for those of us who want to make some progress and want to be writing multiple books, you got to write sometimes when you don't feel like it. So put your feelings aside, shut your brain off. Ignore that part of you. Do it anyway.
Okay. Number two, you are not special. It sounds so mean. I'm like, I'm like, every part of me is like No, don't say that. But it's true, you are not special. If you're experiencing dread, or just like, oh, I don't want to sit down and write or my writing isn't good enough. So I can't do X, Y and Z. You are not special. Everyone feels that way. I think there's this tendency sometimes with new writers to because they don't know other writers or they haven't, they haven't built up a lot of writing experience they haven't you know, they're just not really plugged into a writing community yet. All of those things can feel overwhelming, and they can feel like you are the only one who experiences those things. And that is part of imposter syndrome, this idea that everyone else around you has it figured out. And it's so easy for them. But you're the only one who's having trouble. I'm here to tell you that's not true. Okay? You're not special, you're not unique. If you're experiencing any sort of block or frustration if things aren't going well, your story isn't going well. You're not special, you're not unique every writer experiences that.
Now some writers experience it to a lesser degree. And I do think from my own experience, the more that I write, the more I can kind of coach myself out of those negative feelings. And the more experience I have to draw from I can look at my writing all the years I've been writing and say okay, I know that even though I don't want to sit down and write today or this week what it's been for me is that I don't want to sit down and edit but I got to do it and do it anyways. I have a deadline in mind for what I want to have this done. And I've got to do it. I mean, there's just there's no debating with myself. There's no negotiating. It's just I have to do it. And I'm not special, I know that I'm not special that I have to negotiate with myself and think of it this way. You're part of the club. Yeah, you're, you're not special. Okay, thinking about your book, dreaming about your book, planning about your book, going back and forth on things about your book, feeling guilt about not writing your book is not writing. Now, of course, you need to set aside time to brainstorm, of course, you need to set aside time to develop your characters and think through your plot and your conflict and your story and your world building. If you're writing something that requires world building, of course, all of that is important.
But something that happens often with writers is a tendency to not be writing and then for weeks on end, potentially even months on end, be just thinking about their book and dreaming about their book. And there's this sense of like, well, I'm working on the book I'm writing it counts. Like, a little bit, I can see, but But ultimately, it doesn't, it doesn't count, like you're not actually writing. Now, it doesn't mean that stuff's not important. Of course, it's important. But you're not writing. I remember sharing with my mom, one time, my mom is not a writer. And I remember sharing with her one time that I had taken a break from my writing, I was kind of thinking about it and weighing what to do with a certain thing. And I basically just set it aside and I wasn't writing and she was like, Well, I'm sure all of that's percolating in your mind. And maybe your subconscious is working on it. And you don't even realize and it's like, yes, okay, but I'm still not writing like, the reality is, I'm not making progress on my book. I'm just thinking about it. And sometimes that feels good. It feels like we're making progress. But we're not. So don't misunderstand me here. Of course, all of that stuff is important. But if you have this idea, if you think about it in the turn in terms of like, well, yes, True. True. I haven't opened up my manuscript in three months. But I'm thinking about it. And I'm daydreaming and I'm, what? Yeah, it's time to sit down and write like, you just got to do it. You got to sit down and write. Okay.
Piece of advice Number four. Do you want to write? Or do you want to be a writer and have success as a writer? This is why I think so many people say that they want to write a book. I think a lot of people say they want to write a book. Because they like the idea of it. They think it's so romantic to sit down with a candle and pen and paper or, or laptop and just, you know, the tortured artist and just struggling to write it. And it's like, there's so much romanticism of what it means to write. And also people look at hugely successful authors and think, Well, I could do that. I could write a book that's better than that. I didn't think it was that good. I could do that. And they want the success and the acclaim and the praise. But they don't actually want to write, they don't actually want to sit down and write. So especially if you're at the beginning of your journey.
Remember, this is tough love here. Do you want to write and be a writer? Or do you just want to be a writer because you think it looks cool. And you have this idea in your mind of what it's going to be and you want the success and the acclaim and the published bookstore books in bookstores. You know, it's fine to want all of that stuff. But you also have to like the process of writing you have to you have to get something out of the creative process because if you only are doing it for success and acclaim, and because of what it can get you but you are miserable throughout the entire writing process that I think that's a sign that's something to look at and to ask yourself like, do I actually want to do this? Do I actually want to write Okay, so those are my tips my tough love pieces of advice for you. The last thing that I want to say if you're listening to this as soon as this episode is over, go sit down and write put your phone away set a timer for 15 minutes and do a writing sprint sit down and write It does not matter what excuses your brain comes up with it doesn't matter if oh well alright when you know things calm down or Oh i'll write when I'm a little bit more awake I didn't sleep well last night or Oh i'll right once I figure out this like character issue I just need to percolate a little bit more on it no sit down and write I think it's helpful to go to create a list of what your go to excuses are for me my go to excuses are all right tomorrow because today I just you know I've got a lot of editing work to do.
I just I don't I can't find 20 minutes in the morning like I'll just do it tomorrow. That is my go to excuse it does not matter how busy I am. It doesn't matter what's going on. I owe I always put it off till tomorrow in my head I negotiate with myself. So when my brain tells me that when it's like, oh, well, you know, yeah, it's only 20 minutes, but just do it tomorrow like you're you're busy today, you just don't have the time. And I'm sure tomorrow, you'll really feel like writing. When my brain tells me that I can recognize it's a bunch of bull, it's an excuse. So think of what your go to excuses are, and see if you can start to identify when those excuses come up. Now, of course, there's real life stuff that comes up that prevents us from writing. I don't want to minimize it. It's just that this is a tough love episode. So I have to be brutally honest with you, you are coming up with excuses for why you cannot write. And it is time to ignore that it's time to stop, stop giving weight to all of those excuses. And just do it anyway. Just sit down and write even if conditions aren't perfect, even if you're not feeling it. Even if you're busy. Even if you only have 10 minutes, just do it. Okay, sit down and write. Okay, next week, we'll be back to our regularly scheduled type of episodes. This is kind of fun. It kind of stressful for me, but kind of fun. So I hope it gave you a kick in the pants if you needed one. See you next week. Thank you so much for tuning in.
Happy writing and I’ll see you next time.