020: How to Survive the Querying Process

If you want to get traditionally published, you need to find a literary agent. And in order to find an agent, you have to query. The querying process is stressful - there's no way around it. Learn my tips for managing that stress and surviving the process. 

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How to Survive the Querying Process

Hi, friend. If you're in the querying process, this episode is for you. It's also for you, if you're thinking about querying, if you know at some point you're going to query if you want to try to do traditional publishing, this is all good stuff to keep in mind, because querying, I mean, let's just get this out of the way. Querying is a total, just impossibly stressful, anxiety inducing situation in which you are totally powerless, and have to just wait. It's, it's rough. I mean, there's no, there's no way around that. Okay. So let's just, let's just say like, if it's stressful for you, if you have a lot of anxiety, like, that's normal, that that's just part of the process unfortunately. There are things you can do to make it a little better. There are things you can do to make it less stressful.

So I'm going to give you four tips in this episode to survive the querying process, because you will survive it, you will get through it, no matter how long it takes, no matter how frustrating it might be. Even if you don't get the results that you're hoping for, you will get through it, and figure out next steps. Okay, it's temporary. And that's the thing with query, it can feel so all consuming. And for me, what was what was odd about it is that no one else really understood what it was like, my non writer friends didn't understand, family didn't understand like, and I didn't share with a lot of people that I was querying, actually, I wasn't like a thing I broadcasted. But the people who are close to me who knew that I was doing this, they just didn't really understand. So I felt like I felt like I was sort of all alone in this, which can be hard. So the good thing about social media now is there are—you can easily make connections with people who are going through this exact same process, whether that's on Tik Tok, Instagram, Facebook groups, Discord, Reddit, wherever. You can find other writers, you can even just post in somewhere and say, like, I'm going out of my mind in querying, I need some support.

So okay, let's get into the four tips. So my first tip actually, is something I just mentioned, get support, however you can, this is going to be different for different people. Like I mentioned, I didn't broadcast to the world that I was querying, I sort of kept it quiet, I didn't want my work to know I didn't want every extended family member that I had to know, it was just something I wanted to see if I could do if I could get an agent. And so I didn't share it with everyone. So support for me, looks like being honest with my husband, about how I was feeling like letting him know, I'm doing you know, of course, he was with me the whole time while I was writing the book, he was with me while I was, you know, coming up with a list of agents that I wanted to query. So it's not like he was in the dark about what I was doing. But I just let him know, like, if I'm a little distracted and a little bit crazy while I'm doing this, this is why. Like letting people know what's going on with you so that they can support you. Even if they don't understand exactly what querying is, and exactly what it feels like. They can just hold space for you. You can vent you can talk about it, get support, however you can.

And again, like I mentioned, if you don't have supportive people in your life that you can talk to about this, go online, find a writing group, just find some kind of even just reading other people's experiences about querying that was so helpful, helpful for me. Before I got started, I did deep dives into writing podcasts where I would listen to published authors that were being interviewed and I would listen to hear what their querying story was like, I sort of took notes and it helped me kind of understand what to expect so and I would read posts online and like read it when people shared you know, people shared about their, their querying journey and how it was going. So that was all very helpful for me to kind of wrap my head around what was coming up what what I should expect, and that is kind of crazy and anxiety inducing for everyone.

Tip number two is to keep yourself busy. And I don't mean like, mindlessly running around and not giving yourself time to process your feelings and feel your feelings. I don't mean that. But for me, when I was querying, I was working my full time job. I was teaching Barre Fitness classes a couple times a week, I was, you know, participating in my recovery community, I was writing, I was going out with friends, I even traveled, like had a long weekend away somewhere, like I was just doing, I was keeping my life full of things that I enjoyed. So I wasn't just sitting at home every single hour of the day, refreshing my email, my Gmail to see if anyone had responded. That's what I mean by keep yourself busy, do things that you enjoy, do things that are rejuvenating for you. And maybe that's, you know, just watching something on Netflix like starting a new series or something, just doing what you can to kind of take your mind off of it.

Because the thing about querying is you are kind of powerless, you can put in the work. Make sure that your manuscript is as good as it can be. Make sure that your query letter is as good as it can be. But after that, you sort of have to release it and say, universe, God, higher power, Source Energy, whatever you believe in luck, I don't know, like you got it, I I've done my part, the result is totally out of my hands. You can't control if agents respond. You can't control when agents respond, none of that. So releasing expectations, you know. And that's, that's hard. That's hard for me to do. It was hard for me to do in that situation. It's hard for me to do in a lot of situations where I want to control things, I want to hold on to them really tightly in control and force. And you just can't do that with querying.

So, third tip is to write something new. This was a piece of advice that I heard when I was doing all of my research into agents and into querying to try to understand the process. And people would always say, write something new start a new project. I was like that. No, like, I just finished this book, I just finished months and years, years of my life working on this book, I can't. The idea of starting another book is crazy. But you know what? They were right. They who all the people who said who told me this device, they were spot on. It was part it was related to to this idea, keeping me busy. It was something to do it was something too, I felt like I was making progress on on a new creative project, I was, you know, getting the juices flowing, kind of thinking about what I wanted to write next. Because I learned so much in the process of writing my first book, I learned so much about it.

I mean, first of all, I learned how to write a book by actually doing it. But I learned so much from working with my editor, from feedback I got, just everything. And so I could incorporate all of that into my new book that I started. And it's funny, I started it and then I ended up completely scrapping it twice, because I didn't like the direction the story was going. I didn't like the where the story started. But that's okay, if I would have just waited, I never would have figured out that, hey, this isn't the right place to start the story. This isn't the right angle to tell the story from it was just again, it's related to that last piece of advice of just keeping yourself busy.

The other reason that this is beneficial is if you get an agent who is interested and who wants to represent you or wants to just get on the phone with you and kind of hear about you when your projects and all that they'll ask you. Are you working on a un on anything else? Do you have a new book planned out? What's next for you? And it's a good idea for you to be able to answer that question. Even if you've only got a two sentence pitch, if you kind of have a basic idea of the story, even if you actually haven't started writing yet. It's just a good. It's good to have an answer to that question prepared. What are you working on next? You know, it's just good to have that ready. In case an agent asks you.

Okay, my fourth tip might be the most important because this is what saved me. I went crazy the first couple of weeks uh - I checked my email, I always had my Gmail, if I was at home, I always have my Gmail open on my laptop. And if I was at work, I would pick up my phone sometimes, like, literally every minute, I'm not exaggerating, it was like, literally every minute, I would open up my phone and check my Gmail to see if anyone had responded. It was crazy. I made myself crazy. And every time it's like, I would see a new email come in. And before I could, my brain could process that it was not an email from an agent, I would get like, I get all excited. I made myself crazy.

So I implemented a rule that I would check my email twice a day. I would check it once in the morning, and then I would check it in the afternoon. Because that would give me plenty of time. If I got an email from an agent in the morning, I could respond in the afternoon, I was still responding within the same day. So that's a perfectly appropriate response time. I didn't have to respond with five minutes, you know. So please, if you were querying, if you were going to query, do not obsessively check your email, it will only make the process worse. And I felt like I wasn't really present for what I was doing. Because I was constantly looking at my phone. I was constantly thinking about my email wanting to check it. It was like an addiction that at that time, so I wasn't present. It didn't feel good. So that might honestly be my biggest recommendation is just only check your email twice a day. Please. It's gonna it's gonna make the process so much easier, so much less stressful.

Just keep at it. Keep your head up. Keep writing. Don't obsessively check your email. You've got this you will survive, I promise.

Katie Wolf